Saturday, November 04, 2006
A full tank and a new fire
I have been very down lately, and the 3rd anniversary of our service as a deacon is due on Nov. 16.
A few weeks ago our pastor gave out forms to answer and send back to him. The biggest question on the form was did we wish to continue as deacons.
I did not send mine back and was unsure if I wanted to continue.
My job and my home situation were taking a lot out of me. My income had dropped so much in the previous year that I was unable to pay all my bills.
I went into severe depression because of not paying the bills and I have quit paying one for ever. It was a credit card which I had many years ago with a company which had a clearance house that was was not crediting payments on time. They were found out and it was all over nationwide TV. However no restitution was ever made to those who were charged major late charges repeatedly and ended up owing thousands in piled up invalid late charges.
I knew that I was going to be buying a new new home in the next few years and did not wish to damage my credit rating. As a compromise I went through a debt consolidation agency and paid lower payments for almost 10 years. That is the bill I quit paying. I will have no credit now.
This year my employer has cut out all overtime, taken away my company car and done a few other tricks which have resulted in about a 10k loss of income.
I am almost 62 and several companies that wanted me when I was 59 are no longer interested. I have sent my resume around to a lot of companies and no one is interested in an employee with 25 years experience who is still one of the very best there is at what I do.
I have become very bitter about it, but I cannot afford to quit because I still have bills and am the major income in our household. Dan is on disability and cannot hold a job. I had to start taking my heart medications only every other day because I could not afford to pay the renewals all at once.
On top of this Dan is suffering from major depression so when I come home from work the house is a major mess and he is in bed all the time. I am encouraging him to seek help and he may be beginning to make minor strides at improving.
I felt that I needed to make some changes in my life. What I really wanted to do at times was to get in my car and drive off into the sunset and not look back.
So, on top of the work and home situations I was losing interest in my duties as a deacon and in all the other things that used to keep me going full speed ahead.(This blog included)
When we received the letter I told God in prayer that my service as a deacon was in His hands. I would not officially quit until Nov 15. If He wanted me to stay He needed to help me.
After many tearful and long nights in prayer things have started to improve. Although I have not had a major increase in income, a change in upper management has resulted in a small raise. There are major changes in corporate structure looming due to a major corporate buy-out at work.
God, in his own special way, managed to get my best friend Rebecca involved in talking to me nightly. She is truly a blessing to me and to all who she meets.I started looking at what I was doing with my life and I had to admit that the things that made me truly happy were the things I did in His name.
Last weekend we went to a retreat in Dickinson TX called Excell. It is based on the Catholic Crusillo movement from Spain and teaches you how to live in unison with God, how to spread his word and his love and how to lead in your church.
The first time I attended about 4 years ago I had never even done a scripture reading in church because of shyness and lack of self confidence. 3 months later I spoke before a lay conference of over a hundred delegates from 9 states.
This time I have come back fired up again. I know what I want to do and what I must do.
I will serve God again with all my heart and soul.
That is what I really want to do with my life.
Today, four of us, all deacons from my church, spent the day in training to start work as volunteers for a hospice. We will visit and assist persons who are facing eminent death and their families as they face the most trying and difficult of all times.
We will each be assigned persons who really need us, when they pass on we will be assigned more. It will be hard to deal with at first, but the good we do will be worth the effort.
Don't forget the ministry we do to LBGT inpatient drug and alchol abuse and depression patients. ( See the post entitled The Encounter) There have been changes there. We have agreed to take on an extra week in service there each month.
I also run the sound at church, but I have given notice there. I will not run out, but I will try to find others to replace me and will train them befor I leave that job. I find that because I am busy with the sound I am not getting fed spiritually myself. I will still be available for special events or in an emergency. But I will be able to perform deacon type duties in church such as meeting the prayer needs of the congregation.
This is what I feel that God wants me to do and I know that it is what I want to do.
Thank you, Lord for the blessings and for the love and the gentle nudges you have given me to put me back on track to be able to meet the future in your service. Amen.
A few weeks ago our pastor gave out forms to answer and send back to him. The biggest question on the form was did we wish to continue as deacons.
I did not send mine back and was unsure if I wanted to continue.
My job and my home situation were taking a lot out of me. My income had dropped so much in the previous year that I was unable to pay all my bills.
I went into severe depression because of not paying the bills and I have quit paying one for ever. It was a credit card which I had many years ago with a company which had a clearance house that was was not crediting payments on time. They were found out and it was all over nationwide TV. However no restitution was ever made to those who were charged major late charges repeatedly and ended up owing thousands in piled up invalid late charges.
I knew that I was going to be buying a new new home in the next few years and did not wish to damage my credit rating. As a compromise I went through a debt consolidation agency and paid lower payments for almost 10 years. That is the bill I quit paying. I will have no credit now.
This year my employer has cut out all overtime, taken away my company car and done a few other tricks which have resulted in about a 10k loss of income.
I am almost 62 and several companies that wanted me when I was 59 are no longer interested. I have sent my resume around to a lot of companies and no one is interested in an employee with 25 years experience who is still one of the very best there is at what I do.
I have become very bitter about it, but I cannot afford to quit because I still have bills and am the major income in our household. Dan is on disability and cannot hold a job. I had to start taking my heart medications only every other day because I could not afford to pay the renewals all at once.
On top of this Dan is suffering from major depression so when I come home from work the house is a major mess and he is in bed all the time. I am encouraging him to seek help and he may be beginning to make minor strides at improving.
I felt that I needed to make some changes in my life. What I really wanted to do at times was to get in my car and drive off into the sunset and not look back.
So, on top of the work and home situations I was losing interest in my duties as a deacon and in all the other things that used to keep me going full speed ahead.(This blog included)
When we received the letter I told God in prayer that my service as a deacon was in His hands. I would not officially quit until Nov 15. If He wanted me to stay He needed to help me.
After many tearful and long nights in prayer things have started to improve. Although I have not had a major increase in income, a change in upper management has resulted in a small raise. There are major changes in corporate structure looming due to a major corporate buy-out at work.
God, in his own special way, managed to get my best friend Rebecca involved in talking to me nightly. She is truly a blessing to me and to all who she meets.I started looking at what I was doing with my life and I had to admit that the things that made me truly happy were the things I did in His name.
Last weekend we went to a retreat in Dickinson TX called Excell. It is based on the Catholic Crusillo movement from Spain and teaches you how to live in unison with God, how to spread his word and his love and how to lead in your church.
The first time I attended about 4 years ago I had never even done a scripture reading in church because of shyness and lack of self confidence. 3 months later I spoke before a lay conference of over a hundred delegates from 9 states.
This time I have come back fired up again. I know what I want to do and what I must do.
I will serve God again with all my heart and soul.
That is what I really want to do with my life.
Today, four of us, all deacons from my church, spent the day in training to start work as volunteers for a hospice. We will visit and assist persons who are facing eminent death and their families as they face the most trying and difficult of all times.
We will each be assigned persons who really need us, when they pass on we will be assigned more. It will be hard to deal with at first, but the good we do will be worth the effort.
Don't forget the ministry we do to LBGT inpatient drug and alchol abuse and depression patients. ( See the post entitled The Encounter) There have been changes there. We have agreed to take on an extra week in service there each month.
I also run the sound at church, but I have given notice there. I will not run out, but I will try to find others to replace me and will train them befor I leave that job. I find that because I am busy with the sound I am not getting fed spiritually myself. I will still be available for special events or in an emergency. But I will be able to perform deacon type duties in church such as meeting the prayer needs of the congregation.
This is what I feel that God wants me to do and I know that it is what I want to do.
Thank you, Lord for the blessings and for the love and the gentle nudges you have given me to put me back on track to be able to meet the future in your service. Amen.
