Monday, February 20, 2006
You cant go back.
You can't go back. An old expression, and unfortunately, a true one.
We have all been there, we start thinking about the good old days and wishing we could return, to see old haunts and renew old relationships. But when we get there we find that the old places have changed and the old people have changed, and we have changed.
I spent several hours on the phone last night witha friend who now lives in Florida. He is coming to visit in a couple of months and wants to take his young son camping in all the places that he remembers from his life here.
He lived with me for several years off and on. His step brother and I were together for a while and his father and I were partners in some dealing. As long as I knew him he was going from one family member to another and never happy anywhere.
If he seemed to be getting settled he would purposely do something to mess up the situation and would loose his home.
For some reason, his family never seemed to figure out that his actions were the result of his past. You could not take a young 15 year old who came from a disruptive background and expect him to behave normally just because he in a new place where he was supposed to feel wanted.
His past experience had taught him that the good living situation was only temporary and he could only depend on himself. If he wanted something he took it, right or wrong
.
One night I recieved a phone call from him. He was at the airport and had been sent back from his mother in Massachusets to his father here again. He said that his father had moved and he needed to get a hold of him. He wanted to know if I knew his number.
I asked him if he wanted me to pick him up at the airport since I lived close and I would help him find his father the next day.
That night I started thinking that he really needed a solid home if he had any chance of living a normal life I deciced that he was worth the time andeffort on my part if it gave him a chance at a good life..
So, the next morning, I asked him if he wanted to live in my spare bedroom. I told him that if he want to school and followed the rules he could live with me.
I thought it said a lot about his family that when his father found out that his then 16 year old was living with a gay man his only comment was 'Oh, I didn't know he was gay". ( He wasn't)
What was different when he moved in with me was that I really believed that there was a good young man inside there somewhere and I wanted to bring him out.
I also knew that he was very likely to make mistakes over and over, and the only hope he had was to have someone who was always there to help him get back up again. In otherwards I had to make a long term commitment.
We had many ups and downs, and I told him that he had to leave several times when he went too far, but when he was really down and needed a home and some guidance I was still there.
We spent many nights camping in the area and hours upon hours talking about life.
Eventually, when Dan was getting sick I told him that he was in his 20's and I could not spend the time and energy to let him come back again. I owed my attention to Dan, my partner.
I told him I would always love him as a son, and would always be available to talk, but I could not let him return again. I relly didn't expect to ever hear from him again.
There followed a period where I did not hear from him for a while. Then one day he called. He had met a good woman with the patience and the determination to help him settle down. He is in Florida with a family and his own auto repair business.
I had trouble with my pickup a few years ago and talked to him about on the phone, He told me that he did not believe that the problem was what I thought it was. I did the tests that he reccomended and when they were negative and I could not get him on the phone again, I started a major process repairing what I thought the problem was.
He called me back in a couple of days and when he found out waht I was doing, he talked to his wife and called me back and said that he was flying here to fix my truck for me.
He came here in the middle of winter and we spent a week outside under a tarp in the rain fixing the truck. All the way from Florida!
We only talk on the phone 2 or 3 times a year, but when we do, it lasts for a long time. Last night we talked from 8:45 pm untill 2:30 am. I have unlimited nights and weekends on my cell plan.
Anyway, the old truck is outside never being driven. It has several things wrong with it and it would cost me more than it is worth to have it fixed.
He loves the old truck because we went camping so often in it and it has a sentimental value to him. I told him that he would come and get it would give it to him.
So, in April he is coming with his 10 yr old step son to camp here for a week or so then he will tow it home to Flotida.
He is looking forward to it and so am I. I will always love him as a son and the time we lived together was a big part of my life.
I do believe, however, that he will be dissapointed in a lot of things.
The area where we camped years ago has changed, I have changed, I am now crippled by arthritis and will not be able to run around a lot. But, the biggest thing is that he will be seeing things through different eyes. He has seen and experienced a lot more since the good old days . It will all look different to him because of these experiences.
But, in any case, I am looking forward to seeing him.
Based on our past record of visits, this could very likely be the last time we will visit in this lifetime. So, I plan on savoring every minute of it.
Deacon Harry
We have all been there, we start thinking about the good old days and wishing we could return, to see old haunts and renew old relationships. But when we get there we find that the old places have changed and the old people have changed, and we have changed.
I spent several hours on the phone last night witha friend who now lives in Florida. He is coming to visit in a couple of months and wants to take his young son camping in all the places that he remembers from his life here.
He lived with me for several years off and on. His step brother and I were together for a while and his father and I were partners in some dealing. As long as I knew him he was going from one family member to another and never happy anywhere.
If he seemed to be getting settled he would purposely do something to mess up the situation and would loose his home.
For some reason, his family never seemed to figure out that his actions were the result of his past. You could not take a young 15 year old who came from a disruptive background and expect him to behave normally just because he in a new place where he was supposed to feel wanted.
His past experience had taught him that the good living situation was only temporary and he could only depend on himself. If he wanted something he took it, right or wrong
.
One night I recieved a phone call from him. He was at the airport and had been sent back from his mother in Massachusets to his father here again. He said that his father had moved and he needed to get a hold of him. He wanted to know if I knew his number.
I asked him if he wanted me to pick him up at the airport since I lived close and I would help him find his father the next day.
That night I started thinking that he really needed a solid home if he had any chance of living a normal life I deciced that he was worth the time andeffort on my part if it gave him a chance at a good life..
So, the next morning, I asked him if he wanted to live in my spare bedroom. I told him that if he want to school and followed the rules he could live with me.
I thought it said a lot about his family that when his father found out that his then 16 year old was living with a gay man his only comment was 'Oh, I didn't know he was gay". ( He wasn't)
What was different when he moved in with me was that I really believed that there was a good young man inside there somewhere and I wanted to bring him out.
I also knew that he was very likely to make mistakes over and over, and the only hope he had was to have someone who was always there to help him get back up again. In otherwards I had to make a long term commitment.
We had many ups and downs, and I told him that he had to leave several times when he went too far, but when he was really down and needed a home and some guidance I was still there.
We spent many nights camping in the area and hours upon hours talking about life.
Eventually, when Dan was getting sick I told him that he was in his 20's and I could not spend the time and energy to let him come back again. I owed my attention to Dan, my partner.
I told him I would always love him as a son, and would always be available to talk, but I could not let him return again. I relly didn't expect to ever hear from him again.
There followed a period where I did not hear from him for a while. Then one day he called. He had met a good woman with the patience and the determination to help him settle down. He is in Florida with a family and his own auto repair business.
I had trouble with my pickup a few years ago and talked to him about on the phone, He told me that he did not believe that the problem was what I thought it was. I did the tests that he reccomended and when they were negative and I could not get him on the phone again, I started a major process repairing what I thought the problem was.
He called me back in a couple of days and when he found out waht I was doing, he talked to his wife and called me back and said that he was flying here to fix my truck for me.
He came here in the middle of winter and we spent a week outside under a tarp in the rain fixing the truck. All the way from Florida!
We only talk on the phone 2 or 3 times a year, but when we do, it lasts for a long time. Last night we talked from 8:45 pm untill 2:30 am. I have unlimited nights and weekends on my cell plan.
Anyway, the old truck is outside never being driven. It has several things wrong with it and it would cost me more than it is worth to have it fixed.
He loves the old truck because we went camping so often in it and it has a sentimental value to him. I told him that he would come and get it would give it to him.
So, in April he is coming with his 10 yr old step son to camp here for a week or so then he will tow it home to Flotida.
He is looking forward to it and so am I. I will always love him as a son and the time we lived together was a big part of my life.
I do believe, however, that he will be dissapointed in a lot of things.
The area where we camped years ago has changed, I have changed, I am now crippled by arthritis and will not be able to run around a lot. But, the biggest thing is that he will be seeing things through different eyes. He has seen and experienced a lot more since the good old days . It will all look different to him because of these experiences.
But, in any case, I am looking forward to seeing him.
Based on our past record of visits, this could very likely be the last time we will visit in this lifetime. So, I plan on savoring every minute of it.
Deacon Harry
