The Gay Deacon

ITS YOUR DUTY TO VOTE SEE BELOW

2008-10-21T12:03:00.000-05:00

AARP 08 Video

About Time!

2008-04-23T20:52:00.006-05:00

I have not posted in a long, long time. "Why?" you ask.
Let me tell. It is personal, and it is because I felt uneasy about some of the hits I received after my posts criticizing the Bush administration. Enough said.
But I am going to post again, and I am going to post about something very dear to my own heart. Politics.
This years Democratic primary has been a fascinating experience for me.
I was deeply interested in the candidates and their qualifications. I had a favorite. Dennis Kucinich and John Edwards were almost a tie. First I favored one,then the other.
I knew that Kucinich did not really stand a chance in the long run, and I really didn't think that Edwards did either.
At that time I always said that I would be happy with either Hillary or Obama.
They were the two candidates who stood the best chance of defeating the current administration. That is, and always has been, the most important thing in my mind.
The most important thing is to defeat the Republican power machine.
At different times I prefered one , then the other.
Mostly it was Obama, but it largely depended on the last speech I heard, or the last point that one made.
At the time of the Texas primary I decided that I prefered Obama on most issues, but I liked Hillary's health care plan better.
I actually voted for Obama, but liked both.
Then I discovered some intresting facts. The largest contributors to both Hillary and McCain were large corporations. Obama's contributions mostly came from small donors, everyday working people who believed in what he said.
Think about it, if a politition is supported by a big company and a vote comes up which affects that company, what is the politition likely to do? There is an old saying"Dance with him who brought you". If the politition wants to be supported again in the next election they have to remember which side their bread is buttered on.
Then I heard on Air America Radio that an article tracing the sources of the largest contributors to all candidates found that Hillary and McCain were largely supported by the same companies.
In fact, I work for the biggest one of all!
That drove home the biggest point of all. I want a candidate who is independent. he can vote for against any company. He can always folow his own beliefs.
That is Obama. that is who I support and I ask you to do the same.

If you study history you see that countries rise in importance and power. Then they stay level and begin to drop again, only to be replaced by another. Greece, Rome, France, great Brittan, the United States.
We have reached our peak and have began to descend under the administration we now have.
The basic human rights guaranteed to all citizens have begun to deteriorate under Bush. Habeas Corpus is dead. The government spys on our citizens. The future American citizens have worked hard for is being robbed out from under them.
The oil companies make obscene profits every quarter. Each one a new record! And I have reached the point that I have to cut out medical expenses and lower all my expenses in order to pay my bills.
I may have to quit going to Church one week a month because I can't afford the gas!
In the year 2000 I always had an extra $1000 in my checking account. I paid my bills, I saved, I tithed, I helped others who were less fortunate than me. I was always ahead. if I wanted to buy a new toy I did.
Not now. We no longer eat out, we never go anywhere becuse we cant afford gas. Our diet has changed. Steak is out.
And we are not alone. People everywhere are losing their homes.
If we are to turn this country around we have to take hold now! We Must take back our country from big profit executives whose companies go bankrupt but still give them $40 Million dollar bonuses.
To do this we need a leader who will stand up for the average American citizen.
That man is Barack Obama.

2007-08-16T07:17:00.000-05:00

New Project

2007-08-07T21:19:00.000-05:00

After laying off for an extended period, I have decided that I need to express myself again.
Things have continued to happen that influenced me and affected me. I just did not write about them.
The political situation is a mess and I have plenty to say about it.
I could point out that we spend $1600 per second in Iraq. But we can't spend enough on our countries infrastructure to prevent needless tragedy.
The steam pipe in New York, the bridge in Minneapolis. The levees in New Orleans. All these things are a typical example of the problems presented when the administration decides that they need to make the public forget that we have a war going on.
Higher taxes to keep our country working smoothly would cut down on the spending on the war or would make the voters have to sacrifice for the war to continue.
The public is not supposed to inconvenienced by the war. They might try to end it. This is not what the president and his big corporate cronies want.
They make money off the war.
Why do you think that the news crews are not allowed to show the caskets of the fallen soldiers being brought home or buried?
The war must not inconvenience the voters.

But enough of that. Other things have come up to get me to write again.

Our church is going to do a really great thing to make a difference in the world. The idea came from Jesus MCC in Indianapolis. Our Pastor and others heard a lot about it at the recent MCC Conference in Arizona and decided that we should do it in Dallas.
This program features billboards with the message "Would Jesus Discriminate?" it has a web address for people to look to see more.
At the website we will provide information and scripture readings for people to read. We hope that reading these scriptures from our viewpoint will educate people.
When it was done in Indianapolis there were before and after polls done which showed that it actually made a significant change in the opinions of the general public.
Of course the fundamentalists protested, there were news stories on tv and in the papers. This just helped the program to work. The more people talked about it the more people went to the website. More of them read the passages in the bible which were written about gays in biblical times, and which prove that Jesus knew and interacted with gays in a positive fashion. These passages need to be pointed out.
People generally learn to discriminate out a lack of education. If you educate them they understand and their attitudes change. As the Reverend Elder Troy Perry, founder of Metropolitan Community Churches ( The largest denomination in the world of churches that have an outreach to the LGBT population) says, People need to read the Bible with new eyes. The churches and leaders that preach hatred of gays today are the descendants of the same people and churches that preached discrimination against black people in the past.
It seems incredible today that there used to be laws keeping racially mixed couples form marrying! What changed? The people learned to read the bible through new eyes and developed a new understanding of what the Bible really says.
People need to be educated. That's how you go about changing the world.

The church's site will serve as the primary focus, but the blog will enable people to read comments from gay Christians about how their own lives are affected.

An Open Letter to the Democrats

2007-05-28T00:45:00.000-05:00

I finally gave in and I'm back. I am mad about politics again. This time it's the Democrats I'm mad at!
This is an open letter to Harry Reid and the rest of the DEMs in congress.

First. Why do you think the Democrats were given a majority in the last elections?
Because we want you to end this war! We want the current administration to be fought at every turn and we want you to take back our country!

You don't do this by caving to Bush because of a single veto!

Putting reasonable expectations on the funding bill is exactly the right move. If Bush vetos it again, send it back again.
The Dems will not be responsible for failing to fund the troops. You will have met the funding requests for the war.
George will be at fault because he will not have accepted some reasonable guidelines toward ending the war, which is the wish of the majority of Americans, as expressed in the last election.

If you let him set the rules of the game then you will be going against the clear wishes of those who gave the Democrats the majority.
Let me put it simple language which any politician should be able to understand.
You want to be re-elected. To do this you need money, votes , and people to work for you at the grass roots level.
If you continue to cave in to Bush you will not be doing what you were elected for, and your support will dry up and you will not be re-elected again.
In fact,I and most like minded voters will work for the election of other people,either Democrats or independents, or even a Republican. As long as they pledge to do as WE wish and fight and remove the lying, dishonest people now in the White House.
Its that simple. Your voting record will be the determining factor.

How many more young Americans must loose their lives in an unjust war in a country who does not even want us there? Even one more young hero's death is too much.

We elect you, we support you. Think it Over! Deacon Harry

Troy Perry Film

2007-01-27T15:30:00.000-06:00

Check out the new movie trailer for "Call Me Troy"a film about Troy perry the founder of the MCC Denomination and one of my heros.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B5tvATGIT64
This man has done more than anyone else to combat the mis-conception that you cannot be gay and Christian. He has brought a new understanding to many and has also been a tireless worker for the human rights of gays everywhere.. The film is to be released this spring and should be a great viewing experience.

Rumor Campaign Starts

2007-01-27T14:37:00.000-06:00

Sorry, I've been really busy and haven't had time to post lately.
Did you see the recent story on Fox News about Barack Obama having gone to school in a madrassa in Indonesia when growing up? A madrassa is a school which teaches very fundamentalist type Muslin religion.

This story was first published in "Insite Magazine" a little read right wing propaganda rag. They claimed that the tidbit was picked up by a worker in the Hillary Clinton campaign. Then the New York Post, a Murdoch owned newspaper made it a headline and FOX news, Rupert Murdoch's personal news slanting machine, picked up the story and featured it in a newscast, trumpeting that Hillary Clinton was making the accusations.They however, did not name a single person within the Clinton camp as a source.

The facts are that the magazine is published by the "Washington Times", which is generally considered to be a right wing tool.
No one at any point tried to check out the facts of the allegation .
Both Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama have labeled the rumor to be a right wing hatchet job.

CNN on the other hand sent a reporter to visit the school and reports that it is a state run school with Christian, Muslims,Buddhist and Confucian students. The principal says that while they treat all religions with respect, they do not favor religions.The majority of the students are Muslin because the are is mostly Muslin.

This, unfortunately, is just the beginning. The fundamentalist right will ramp up as the election nears and we will see a really major campaign of mis-information coming our way.
Personally, I NEVER watch Fox News because of it's consistent slanted and inaccurate reporting. I would encourage you to do the same.

Pray for Change

2007-01-10T19:53:00.000-06:00

I have a friend who I love very much who has many troubles. She prays and asks God for help. Then she wonders why He doesn't change everything the way she expects .
She will pray about changing her life several times a day and wonder why nothing happens.

Why doesn't a change happen? First we must look at the rest of her life. What does she do between prayers? She continues her life as before. She does everything the same way she always has. Nothing she does in her life changes.
Oh, she may make some small changes, but she doesn't really grab the bull by the horns and say"what I've been doing for years hasn't worked, I'm going to approach everything from a different direction in a different way." She doesn't even ask God for direction.
Instead of doing everything the same and waiting for God to change her life she needs to make a big effort herself.

There are two absolute truths I have learned about praying for God's help:
1. If you don't ask him he won't help you. 2. If you don't make a real try to to reach your goal or fill your needs yourself he won't help you.
If you sincerely ask God for help every day and mean it He will listen. The more you ask the more he will listen. God may move things for you somewhat as a part of his major plan, but if you don't try to change things on your own not much is going to happen.
If you have an obstacle to overcome you must really try to do it on your own.

If you sit on one side of the mountain and say to yourself"Gee, I've heard its great over there. There are streams of milk and honey and the streets are paved with gold. I hope God will move me there."
What's God's reaction? He says "No you don't, if you wanted to go over there you'd start climbing."
God rewards effort. He will help those who first help themselves. If you expect God to do everything for you then then you are in for a disappointment.

If you are doing a lot of good work for God, helping His master plan then he may reward you. But, He may reward you with more things you can do to bring Him Glory.( That is your real purpose in life anyway. You were created to bring God glory.)
If you want more than that you must get up and get to work.

You know, I started this post because of a recent dialy devotional post my pastor sends out on the net every day.
I read his message and thought, "You know, there is a lot in this message
that might help several people I know."

I started writing this with that in mind. About halfway through however It began to soak in to me that this message may have been planted in my mind by God, I have had a lot of real major problems in my life for the
last year and I have prayed repeatedly for God's help.

I have alos prayed something that I started praying a few years ago based on the Prayer Of Jabez. I asked the Lord to expand my territory so that I may do more to serve him. ( Check out the popular book "The Prayer Of Jabez" by Bruce Wilkinson, it can be a real blessing in your life)
I have prayed this for a long time and it has always worked.
I asked Him to let me serve Him and he has done it in so many ways that I am amazed! The best moments in my life have been spent in service to God.

I have to ask myself now, "Why has he answered those prayers and not the others for calling His help in my own struggles?"
Could it be that he is still waiting for me to do more to try to change thngs on my own so that he may help me? Or am I still living according to His plan for my life. Am I destined to be changed in some way by the obsticales I am fighting so that I might better fit into His plan?" They are dragging me down in some ways, but is this His plan for me?
I guess I will be doing a lot more praying for awhile
And maybe a lot more trying too.

God Bless. Deacon Harry

Calling Rev Barnes

2006-12-18T17:26:00.000-06:00

"Its happened again. First it was Ted Haggard. Last week the Rev Paul Barnes of Grace Chapel in South Denver announced that he was stepping down as pastor of his big mega church.

" I have struggled with homosexuality since I was a 5-year old boy." Barnes said."I can't tell you the number of nights I have cried myself to sleep, begging God to take this away".

Barnes said that he became a Christian at age 17 and felt that it would help him to give up homosexuality. Of course the feelings never went away.

He still believes that a person is not born "that way".

If he knew of his sexuality at 5 years old what did he think made him gay?
Does he not believe that the Lord is perfect and does not make mistakes? Has he ever considered that if the Lord would not change him it must be because he does not need to be changed?

I wish these fundamentalists would look at the excellent literaturee available on the MCC Church website, http://www.mccchurch.org
and other places. Read the information, study it, look at the passages in the Bible themselves. Read it with new eyes. Could it be that they have misunderstood what the bible says?

Not that many years ago the fundamentalists could show you Biblical passages proving that the white man was superior to the black man. They could prove to you that God approved of slavery!

What changed? Was the Bible re-written? Did God change his mind?
No, the readers re-examined the passages and read them with new eyes and found out that they had been mis-interpreting them all along.

The same is true of homosexuality. Fundamentalists have been wrong for years.

I was taught wrong as a child myself, and hid my true identity from the world untill I was in my mid 30's. How much did I hurt myself? Why did I not accept the truth sooner? I personally feel that my own case it was a part of God's plan. He was showing me things that I would later need when I became his servant.

I now know that God was right, I was wrong. I pray that Rev. Barnes will finally come to accept who he is. He is God's child and God loves him as He made him. I hope that he will accept that this too is part of God's plan. I pray the Rev Barnes will accept his new identity and move on in service to God.

He seems, from what I have read and seen of him, to be an honest, decent Christian man. He deserves to be truly happy in service to his Creator.

I would also encourage any others who read this and are denying themselves a chance to lead an honest life to think, study, pray and accept yourself as God made you.

Deacon Harry

The 25th Year of AIDS

2006-12-01T20:19:00.000-06:00

It,s the evening of World AIDS Day and I still haven't posted anything special for it. I have hoped all day long that I would get a sudden inspiration but it hasn't happened. So, I'll just have to tell it from the heart.

World AIDS Day means so much to me because of those I love who have passed, those I know now living with the disease, those whom I hope we can save from contacting it and especially because of the person I share my life with, who has AIDS.

I have been the primary caregiver for two people whom I love. The first, my nephew Pat, was one of the early persons to contact what was then known as G.R.I.D. My partner Dan was diagnosed in 1991. I have been a support person to many more.

We have been together since then. We have had lots of ups and downs, but his fighting spirit and never quit attitude are inspiring to me. (Look back in the archives to one of my first posts, "My hero's") or click on the link for the BIKEBOYS site for more about him and all he does.

I could never begin to list all the people I have known who have lost their lives to this disease. The effect of seeing a beautiful human being become so ill and waste away has a tremendous effect on your inner being.
To hold someone you love in your arms as they ask you for permission to let go and die is something you never get over.

I will always have a sad part of me that forever mourns the losses. But we who mourn have an obligation too.

We must urge our new Democrat controlled congress to pass new bills, to spend more funds on research to treat and find a cure and to educate and prevent the spread of this pandemic.

We must insist the the Bush administrations policy of pushing abstinence-only programs be halted. These programs do not work and only cause a drain of finds and efforts from programs which teach prevention in a more realistic approach.

WE must insist that people in Africa and other areas in the third world should receive more funds and support.

These are the facts:
Forty thousand persons become infected every year in the US.

Of those living with AIDS in the US 1/3 to 1/2 are either homeless or in danger of becoming homeless.

HIV/AIDS is the leading cause of death among those between 15-59 WORLDWIDE!

HIV/AIDS has become the 3rd leading cause of death among all diseases.

An estimated 35.9 million people worldwide are living with AIDS.

Over 25 million people have died of AIDS worldwide.

There are more than 12 million AIDS orphans in Africa.

Check out the link at the begins of this post for more figures.

So, as World AIDS Day fades, we must do our part to help, in the name of those who are no longer with us.

Posted with Love for Pat & Scott, and for so many others. Deacon Harry

World AIDS Day revisited

2006-12-01T03:18:00.000-06:00

This is a post I wrote for World AIDS Day in 2005. Due to power problems from the weather I lost most of the evening being unable to post anything new, so I thought that I would repost up this old post.
If things work out I hope to add another post after work today.

World AIDS Day is always a special day for me as I remember my past friends and loved ones and pray for an end to AIDS.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

World Aids Day.....
Today is World AIDS Day. The numbers are staggering. More than 40 Million people worldwide have AIDS! AIDS has killed more than 25 million people since it was first recognized in 1981. 3.9 million people died from AIDS last year alone and another 4.9 million became infected.
(figures are from a recent U.N. report)
In the US the number of new cases reported every year has remained more or less stable from 2001 to 2003. However, the number began to rise again since 2003.
Every hour 2 more young Americans are infected with AIDS!
The Human Rights Campaign issued a report card on our governments efforts this year. See http://www.hrc.org for the details.
The main point is that our government rated an "F"in 2 of 4 categories, prevention and care & treatment. They only managed a D in research and a C in Global AIDS. The HRC has a online link to allow you to email your elected officials and let them know that this is not acceptable. Please use it.
On a personal level:
I have had far too many friends who have died from this disease.
I have also been involved as a caregiver and/or advisor to several persons.
My nephew Pat moved here from Iowa at age 17 so that he could come out and live life as the man he was. This was in the early 1980s. He and I became very close and it was extremely hard to take when he became infected with "GRID" (Gay Related Immune Disorder ) as it first was known. There was almost no knowledge and there were no treatments for it. All the doctors could do was to treat the symptoms by trying to keep the fevers down, etc.
I used to get up at night and hold him as he shook with"night sweats. "
Then I would change his sheets and he would go back to bed. I never felt so helpless in my life. Someone I loved deeply was so ill and I couldn't do anything! I had a nurse-call button clipped to his sheets and an intercom mounted to the wall by his bed so he could call me when he needed me. When AZT was released we were so happy that at last there was something he could take. However the first meds were all so toxic that they caused their own problems. He had to use suppositories to fight the nausea had to keep a pan beside his bed all the time.
It was a horrible experience to watch him slowly die. His death was the hardest I had ever faced. My parents had lived their lives and it was much easier to take. Pat, was so young,and I loved him so much. I would ask myself frequently "Why him? Why can't it be me?"
Pats ex, Scott, had become my best friend. Of course he was also infected, although he lived with his family and not with me, I was very involved in his illness. I was the one he talked to and asked advice of. Over a several year period I watched him get slowly worse. The HIV meds always had bad side effects on him and he was always miserable.Finally he became infected with CMV and lost the vision first in one eye then another. He entered a hospice program where they kept him comfortable but made no efforts to prolong his life. I was the only pallbearer at his funeral who was not a family member.
About this time Dan( my partner) became infected. When he was first diagnosed in 1990 he already had an opportunistic infection, Cryptoccal Meningitis. He was deathly ill and I had to run IV's for him every night at home. He has been hospitalized several times and I have seen his weight drop as low as 110 lbs.
Now he weighs about 160 and looks good because of medical breakthroughs in the past. The biggest difference between Scott and Dan was that Dan was never bothered by drug side effects. He always took his meds in the proper amounts at the proper time. He never missed. Also, the FDA approved trials of Protease Inhibitors in 1995 and I was able to get him on a trial while he was in the nursing home.
He did have a reaction to DDI and developed pancriatitis. His pancrease
went wild and damaged his lungs. He was in the hospital for 2 weeks that time, 10 days in ICU. He had previously had all his legal affairs taken care of and had given me his power of attorney for health care. When he was in icu I went against all the things we had discussed and put him on life support. He was on life support for 7 days while his lungs healed and he was able to recover. His family in Pennsylvania did not want anything to do with him, so I spent 7 days at the icu with him, going home only to sleep.
It was a hard period, but we got through it. I told in a previous post about his experiences in a nursing home and in the AIDS Rides. I am very proud of him for what he has endured and what he still does today.
So , for World AIDS Day I am pausing to remember Pat, Scott & Dan's close friend and nursing home roomate, James. They are especially in my heart today as I pray for them and all the others who have passed on before us. Deacon Harry

# posted by Deacon Harry @ 12:07 PM

A Special Thanksgiving.

2006-11-23T18:38:00.000-06:00

First, Happy Thanksgiving! I hope yours was as good as mine.

I had a unique experience last night. I slept on the floor of our church, right in front of the alter....Let me explain.

You see every year our church has a thanksgiving dinner for our members and friends and their friends.
This started a few years ago when it occurred to me that many in our community have no real family to spend the holidays with. It can be a real "bummer" to spend a holiday alone.
First I invited friends to my house for a thanksgiving potluck dinner. I made the big items, turkey, dressing and gravy, etc and others brought a side item.
Then a few years ago, when our church rented a new bigger place to worship, we suddenly found ourselves with a real commercial kitchen with 4 ovens and a big stove.
So, we held a big dinner and invited lots of people.

Now after 2 years in our own building we are still continuing the tradition. I love to cook and everyone says I'm quite good. So, I cook the big items and everyone else brings sides.
Our new Church home has a bigger kitchen than my house so I cook my portion at church.
Last year I had to get up at 3 am and drive in 40 miles to cook dinner and have it ready on time.( after turning in at 11:30 pm.)
This year I thought that I would try a radical new approach. I decided to spend the night at church.

You see, it sounds simple and logical. Dan and I arrived at church about 10:30. After unloading and making sure that everything was set up we went to bed. I did not have to get up until 5:30 am to get it all ready on time.

Of course we have no sleeping quarters there, but no problem there is a couch in the social hall where Dan slept. I decided that I would try sleeping in the sanctuary. The pew cushions have fairly comfortable pads. I also joked to the pastor that it would not be the first time I have slept in a pew.

Actually, I put the cushions from 4 pews on the floor in the front of the church and made a bed 2 cushions wide and 2 high. It was really quite comfortable.

I turned out the lights and found that there was enough light coming in through the stained glass windows to make it easy to sleep, but I could still see objects fairly well.

As I laid there and looked up at the alter and the cross of my church home from a different perspective a strong feeling hit me.I needed to pray.

First I prayed I'm going to sleep with you tonight Lord. But I immediately realized that I sleep with Him every night. He is always there watching over me.

So, I tried again. I told Him that it was really an overpowering feeling to be there at the alter where I worship him weekly.
Yes, I worship him continually anyway. I talk to him lots of times every day and I thank him for the blessings he gives me constantly. I ask him for help and guidance and for him to bless others.
But this was different....I don't quite know how to explain it.

This time, here I was in our darkened church in front the alter that I love so much.

I felt my soul open up in such a powerful awareness of His presence. I talked to him for a long time.
I thanked him for the everlasting gift of His Grace.
I told him that I am in awe that he loves me in spite of all terrible things I have done in my past.
I told Him that I am so overwhelmed as I look back in retrospect to the dark first 40 years of my life when I denied His existence and declared that I was an atheist.
He was there,loving me, guiding me and leading me to the period of my life since I gave myself to Him. He loved me even though I denied Him!

He equipped me so perfectly for the ministries of service to him that he has led me to now. I feel so unworthy of His love, and I am based only on my own actions, but because He gave his life for me on the Cross I am indeed worthy of His love. His Grace is truly the greatest gift imaginable.

I thanked Him for allowing me to serve Him. I thanked Him for leading me to my church home where I am encouraged and equipped to find my own ministries. This is my real family in Christ. I thanked Him for allowing me to help others to find their own special place.

I told Him that serving Him is all I desire in my life.

This was indeed a thanksgiving that I will always remember.

This is not going to be the only time I spend the night at my Church with my Saviour.

May God Bless you as He has me. Deacon Harry

Now I can Cheer

2006-11-09T05:55:00.000-06:00

It was announced that Jim Webb won in Virginia. The Democrats now have controll of the senate. Now I can relax and feel better. We have started the process of taking our country back.

It will take years to undo the damage that Bush/Cheney and their rubber stamp legislature have done to our coutry.

We have shown the world that we can and will rectify our mistakes. Of course some hearings need to be held about the corruption in the adminstrative branch.
But now they can be held. I expect that they will be. If they aren't then I will be extremely supprised.

It would not be at all supprising if impeachment were not a possibility. The "Decider" allowed and encouraged the events and policies of the government to happen. Ultimately he is responsible. He should be held accountable.

God Bless America!

I'M ON A HIGH! (almost)

2006-11-08T19:58:00.000-06:00

After the election yesterday I am really on a "high". It looks as if my country, the America I love at least has a chance of coming back.

The Republicans have lost controll of the house and probably the senate. Rumsfield is out. Everything looks much better than it has for years.

So why am I still aprehensive? I should be elated. Well, do you remember the election in Florida so many years ago when the Republicans stole the election?
Do you really believe that the outcome there was totally honest? If you believe that then I have a bridge to sell you.
I hate to sound so cynical, but some people named Bush made me feel that way, along with a man named Cheney

Was it really just a coincidence that when the election was lost the republicans had a recount that streched on forever as we heard about stciking chads? And of course this was in the state governed by the other little Bush child.

So this time there is a recount in Virginia, a state where the Republicans have always seemed so strong. This recount will determine if the Democrats controll the senate or if it will be a tie. Bear in mind that in case of a tie Cheney, as vice president will cast the deciding vote on any key bills.

So, now we will still wait as we wonder will it be Webb or Allen.

I am still worried. But on the other hand, if things go like they seem to we might actually take back the country.

We will still have Bush & Cheny in power for 2 more years, but they may be intresting years.

Accountability may return to government. The Congress may finally look into the contractor awards handed down in Iraq. How about the incredible profits taken by the petroleum industry? They definitely need to be investigated.

How about the grovernment spying on its citizens?
Every time I post anything critical of the Administration my hit counter reports a large spike in hits from "ünkown isp""unknown location"unknown , unknown, unknown.

It's really strange that my little blog would be noticed, but it happens. I can show you the results.

(Yes, people who think that you are anonimous on the web, I can tell a lot about you.) Not your name or adress,or any real personal information. but a lot. In fact, I think that this might be a good topic for a post sometime.
I hope I am not scaring you, its just the truth. Even though I may not know who you are I begin to recognize a lot of repeat visitors. I also appreciate every one of them. In a few cases when they are friends or family I can easily tell who they are.

Anyway, I digress, lets all celibtrate! Things are on an upswing.
By the way, did you know that a recent news service poll showed that most residents of third world countries consider George Bush to be a bigger threat to world peace than any of the leaders in the middle east.
It's about time that we changed that! God Bless America! Deacon Harry

A full tank and a new fire

2006-11-04T20:58:00.000-06:00

I have been very down lately, and the 3rd anniversary of our service as a deacon is due on Nov. 16.

A few weeks ago our pastor gave out forms to answer and send back to him. The biggest question on the form was did we wish to continue as deacons.
I did not send mine back and was unsure if I wanted to continue.

My job and my home situation were taking a lot out of me. My income had dropped so much in the previous year that I was unable to pay all my bills.
I went into severe depression because of not paying the bills and I have quit paying one for ever. It was a credit card which I had many years ago with a company which had a clearance house that was was not crediting payments on time. They were found out and it was all over nationwide TV. However no restitution was ever made to those who were charged major late charges repeatedly and ended up owing thousands in piled up invalid late charges.
I knew that I was going to be buying a new new home in the next few years and did not wish to damage my credit rating. As a compromise I went through a debt consolidation agency and paid lower payments for almost 10 years. That is the bill I quit paying. I will have no credit now.
This year my employer has cut out all overtime, taken away my company car and done a few other tricks which have resulted in about a 10k loss of income.
I am almost 62 and several companies that wanted me when I was 59 are no longer interested. I have sent my resume around to a lot of companies and no one is interested in an employee with 25 years experience who is still one of the very best there is at what I do.
I have become very bitter about it, but I cannot afford to quit because I still have bills and am the major income in our household. Dan is on disability and cannot hold a job. I had to start taking my heart medications only every other day because I could not afford to pay the renewals all at once.

On top of this Dan is suffering from major depression so when I come home from work the house is a major mess and he is in bed all the time. I am encouraging him to seek help and he may be beginning to make minor strides at improving.
I felt that I needed to make some changes in my life. What I really wanted to do at times was to get in my car and drive off into the sunset and not look back.
So, on top of the work and home situations I was losing interest in my duties as a deacon and in all the other things that used to keep me going full speed ahead.(This blog included)

When we received the letter I told God in prayer that my service as a deacon was in His hands. I would not officially quit until Nov 15. If He wanted me to stay He needed to help me.

After many tearful and long nights in prayer things have started to improve. Although I have not had a major increase in income, a change in upper management has resulted in a small raise. There are major changes in corporate structure looming due to a major corporate buy-out at work.

God, in his own special way, managed to get my best friend Rebecca involved in talking to me nightly. She is truly a blessing to me and to all who she meets.I started looking at what I was doing with my life and I had to admit that the things that made me truly happy were the things I did in His name.

Last weekend we went to a retreat in Dickinson TX called Excell. It is based on the Catholic Crusillo movement from Spain and teaches you how to live in unison with God, how to spread his word and his love and how to lead in your church.

The first time I attended about 4 years ago I had never even done a scripture reading in church because of shyness and lack of self confidence. 3 months later I spoke before a lay conference of over a hundred delegates from 9 states.

This time I have come back fired up again. I know what I want to do and what I must do.
I will serve God again with all my heart and soul.
That is what I really want to do with my life.
Today, four of us, all deacons from my church, spent the day in training to start work as volunteers for a hospice. We will visit and assist persons who are facing eminent death and their families as they face the most trying and difficult of all times.
We will each be assigned persons who really need us, when they pass on we will be assigned more. It will be hard to deal with at first, but the good we do will be worth the effort.

Don't forget the ministry we do to LBGT inpatient drug and alchol abuse and depression patients. ( See the post entitled The Encounter) There have been changes there. We have agreed to take on an extra week in service there each month.

I also run the sound at church, but I have given notice there. I will not run out, but I will try to find others to replace me and will train them befor I leave that job. I find that because I am busy with the sound I am not getting fed spiritually myself. I will still be available for special events or in an emergency. But I will be able to perform deacon type duties in church such as meeting the prayer needs of the congregation.

This is what I feel that God wants me to do and I know that it is what I want to do.

Thank you, Lord for the blessings and for the love and the gentle nudges you have given me to put me back on track to be able to meet the future in your service. Amen.

A Black Day for America

2006-10-20T21:21:00.000-05:00

I know its been a long time since I have posted. I have been very busy, but I have also been suffering from severe depression.
The causes of the depression could be a post or 2 or 3 by themselves, but I don't know if I want to go into it that deep at this time.

I have had some thoughts lately that I wanted to post about, but it just seemed like too much trouble.(The depression)
Here is what drew me out, against my better judgement:

Oct 16 was one of the absolute blackest, days in American history. On that day our President signed one of the worst pieces of legislation in the history of the USA>

America lost one of the most fundamental rights we have.

Anyone can now be arrested, held in secret for life, and tortured with absolutely no recourse. Their families might never know what happened to them. They have absolutely no recourse. They do not have to be proven guilty of anything. There is no trial required. The persons arrested have no rights whatsoever. All that has to happen is for them to called an "enemy combatant". It doesn't have to be proven, they just have to be declared to be an enemy.They have no right to protest or demand proof in court.Thay can held for life !

I have one question, "What happened to America?"
I am absolutely livid with the congress that passed this totally, completely, Un-American piece of trash. Everyone of them should be removed from office immediately and become victims of their own immoral legislation.

The right of habeas Corpus is supposed to be a fundamental right of all Americans. It is guaranteed in the constitution and the Bill Of Rights.

George Bush and the Republicans have succeeded in lowering this country to the level of absolute trash.
"W" now has the same privileges as Hitler, and all the worst people in the history of the world.
I cannot believe that the American people stood still and let this atrocity happen.

What has happened to the country I love? Is the USA dying internally because a bunch
of lying radicals have deceived them into believing that the bogeyman is after them?

Has no one noticed that the USA reacted to 9-11 by attacking an innocent country that had nothing whatsoever to do with the hijackings while we let the real jackals get away?
Less than one year after 9-11 Bush said in a press conference as he told us what a horrible man Saddam was. "The Ayatollah? I almost never think about him anymore."

I can only say that I am no longer proud of what this country is becoming. All the American soldiers who died in all the wars in our history are probably rolling over in their graves right now.

I urge everyone out there to clean house in the coming elections. Ths Democrats are not necessarily always the best person for every office, but they are always the better choice over the Republicans because they are the only ones who really stand a chance to defeat them.
So for the sake of the dying America with our vital freedoms please vote the Republicans out of office.Then we must wait for the Supreme Court to declare that the horrible piece of trash bill is un-constitution.
That is the only hope that America has.

I decided a long time ago that I was not going to write about politics at all anymore,because it upsets me. I was going to try to write about spiritual matters, and about my love of God. But I was weak and I gave in to anger and disgust.

I am sorry if I offend anyone, and I am sorry that I let those in power, whom I detest, get my goat so much. The internment of the innocent Japanese in WWII is the only act i can think of off hand that I find to be anywhere as offensive.
I am ashamed of the country that I love.
I am thankfull, on the otherhand, that I am old. There are a lot of things that I see developing. I will probably die and avoid most of these things.
I would urge those younger than I to remeber my words 50 years from now. See if history doesn't record then that George W Bush was the absolute worst President in US History.

The Encounter

2006-09-18T14:56:00.000-05:00

"Would your church welcome me?"she asked.
"Yes, of course,"I replied.
She sat down beside me."But you don't know who I am! You don't understand what I am!"she said.
She was about 6'4" and dressed in a housecoat and worn slippers. She had reddish-brown hair and a five o'clock shadow. She was ugly appearing, but she was beautiful inside.
She was a trans lady in an inpatient mental health facility. She was in a program specializing in LGBT patients with alcohol/drug abuse and depression problems. These patients had hit rock bottom. They were unable handle their lives and problems, and usually they were so down that all belts, shoestrings, razor blades(hence the 5 o'clock shadow) had been taken from them when they checked themselves in hoping to prevent suicides while they were being treated.
During their stay they are given physc-drugs and take part in group sessions and one on one meetings with the caring doctors and staff.
The care they receive is designed to help them turn their lives around.
I was there as part of the treatments. Once a month our church takes turns with other churches in having a team, 2-4 persons in our case, come in and visit with the patients in a session discussing their spiritual lives. We were there to answer questions and give advice to any patients who came in for the "group".
Of course the most common question we face is always"Does God really love me as who I am?".
The majority of GLBT persons have heard since they were old enough to know that they were " different" that God does not love them. They are doomed to hell.
We are prepared to answer them with a positive answer. We explain Grace to them. We go over the scriptures with them answering questions and showing them what the scriptures really say.
I usually point out to them that the same church authorities who today condemn gays could have been heard in the 1800's saying that God approved of slavery. There was nothing wrong with it. The white-man was "created superior by God. " They could quote scriptures proving it!
Time and a newer way of interpreting the scriptures has changed their minds. With time and education their opinions of gays will change too.
This one though had a harder time that most dealing with it.
I assured her that of course I could read her. I knew that she was a Trans and I didn't care and God didn't care.
I assured her that God does not make mistakes. God knew who she was before she was even born.
While my partner talked to the others she and I had our own conversation. I explained that God loves all His children. I told her that I have a couple of trans friends and that I love them both very much.
I always carry handouts dealing with these subjects and I left them with her to read over after I was gone.
Before the session was up we were both in tears.
I will probably never hear about her again. She was from a city over a thousand miles away. I do think of her from time to time. Did she turn her life around? Did she start attending church and give her self to Christ?
But, there is one thing I know for sure. For a short time on one night God put the two of us together so that I could deliver his message to her.
A message that I never tire of repeating , a message of acceptance and of love and of eternal life..
God Bless you..Deacon Harry

Last Saturday

2006-09-02T19:41:00.000-05:00

This is what I did last Saturday.In then group photo left I am in the middle row with the black shirt and grey/silver hair & beard, Dan is in back in the yellow cap holding the sign and Rebecca a very special person is front row right, she is my mentor, friend, teacher, and a wonderful person.

This was the counter to an ex-gay conference held at Vista Ridge Baptist Church in nearby Carrollton. Details of the event are in the previous psot.

This was my first time at an event of this nature. I detest these groups, because of what they preach and what they put people through.
They say that you cannot be gay and have a relationship with God. This absolutely untrue. They also claim that you can "heal yourself" through prayer. You can't fix what isn't broken!
God did not make gays so He would have someone to hate. He does not work that way. He does not hate anyone. He loves all his children, just the way He made them.

The American Physchiatric Associattion say that being gay is not an illnes. It is just another natural way to be.

Ws stood around the driveway entrance as the cars pulled in for the confrence. The entrance had several signs saying that God made gay the way they are. and its ok.

We waved to the cars pulling in and some of the people waved back. Others scowled at us and tried to pretend that they did not see us.
Some of the cars actually stopped and discussed the topic with us. A few people walked back out from the church entrance to talk to us. One man in particular came out and mentioned his wife to us. He was flaming! He did thank us for not creating a big scene.

Some of the cars had young people in the back seat. It was intresting to watch their behaviour. Some looked at us very intently and I wondered if they were thinking"Could I actually be one of them? " I believe that some of them wanted to join us.
I also think that some of them really thought that they are sick and perverted. They hope that they could be "healed" so that they might win their parents love. These were probably the ones who tried to pretend that they didn't see us. They were afraid that we would "rub off"on them.
No wonder the suicide rate is so high in young gay teens!

I felt very sorry for them. It really broke my heart to think of the heartaches they have ahead of them.

As for the success rate of these groups, Exodus International is the largest and s"parent"group of the Ex-Gay groups. one of the funniest happenings was in 1979 when co founders Gary Cooper and Michael Bussee left the group. They eventually had a "gay wedding"!
Another of their leaders was photograped in a "crusing"in a New york gay bar.

One of the people at the protest was at one time in one of these groups. He eventually left and is noe the Lay leader of another Metroplex MCC Church.

My first inclination when I heard of thsi event was to sleep in. However I could not do that and be true to myself.
I am glad I went. If there is even a chance that we may have reached some of these people then it was worth standing in the hot Texas sun for a while.

Deacon Harry

Protesting The Ex Gay movement

2006-08-24T20:03:00.000-05:00

Our pastor posted an email on our church Yahoo group from Wayne Besen, Executive Director of TruthWinsOut.org" a non-profit think tank and educational organization the debunks the "ex-gay myth"and provides accurate information about the lives of of GLBT people."

Wayne, the author of "Anything But Straight: Unmasking the Scandals and Lies Behind the Ex-Gay Myth", is asking that involved members of our community join him to counter a conference that is taking place at the Vista Ridge Baptist Church in Carrollton, Tx a local community.

The event is to take place this Saturday, meeting at 8:15 am at the church with the goal of meeting conference-goers with GLBT affirming signs untill 9:30 am..

If you live in this area I would like to invite you to come join us. Be sure to introduce yourself. (my picture is on the header of this blog).

This is to be a quiet andpeacefull protest. So I don't expect trouble or troublemakers.

I feel that with the constant message that I put out that we owe it to the youngsters to set an example and show them that it is "OK To Be Gay" I have to be there. (I know that that is part of the reason our pastor posted it.)

I am involved in a special ministry at my Church. Along with another Deacon I co-lead a group which goes to an in hospital treatment program for alcohol, drug abuse and depression for GLBT persons. This is a nationwide program with 3 hospital treatment programs across the country.

The biggest thing all these people always want to know is "does God really love ME?".
These people have grown up hearing from society that its bad to be "One of them".
They have been put down and abused by so many family members and friends, & they have been preached straight to hell from the pulpit.
It's no wonder that they have problems.

We always assure them that they are ok. God does love them and there is a real, meaningfull, future out there for them.

These Ex-Gay groups preach that you can change, that being Gay is strictly a lifestyle choice. If you pray enough God will change you.

The problem is that these groups do not recognize that God did not make gays so He would have someone to hate.

God does not do that. You are the way that you are because God made you that way and He does not make mistakes. God loves ALL his children, just the way He made them.

If you could really change, gays would have died out centuries ago. No one would choose to be different and boppresseded.

John 3-16 does not say that God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son that whosoever EXCEPT GAYS beleveth in him should not die, but should have eternal life!

Just remember one thing, these groups that condem gays today are the same ones who preached that slavery was ok 150 years ago. They could read you scripture passages that proved tha Blacks were inferior creatures put here to be used.
That was then...
Time and a better interpretation of the scriptures has made them change their minds now. So now they attack GLBT persons.
This too will change, but we have to help speed the process up. We do this through speaking the truth. We do this by educating the rest of the world.
If every successful, happy LGBT person in America made a pledge to be completely open to everyone they know, especially their straight friends, and co-workers, the predjudice would end in our lifetimes.

Global Warming

2006-08-05T16:34:00.000-05:00

Pat Robinson has now said that the extreme heat lately has convinced him that global warming is a real threat after all.
If he changed his mind solely because of the heat and not because of the overwhelming evidence that supports global warming then he is still showing himself to be kind of a simpleton. But at least he has been right for once.

Evidence presented from all over the globe has shown that the ice caps are melting and that the average temperature is rising. The levels of CO2 in the atmosphere is rising.
These are indisputable facts. Proven facts.

For those who claim that this is all b.s. I would hope you would make an effort to watch the Discovery Channel on Mon.Aug 21st at 12:00 noon EST.
Record it if you will be at work or skip work if necessary.
If you are a personal friend of mine, I TIVO'd it and burned a cd for personal use. I may loan it to you if you ask nicely. The Discovery folks showed it repeatedly recently and I thought the photo evidence of melted glaciers was astounding..
The show was hosted by Tom Brokaw of NBC and produced by NBC, Discovery and BBC.

The recent Al Gore Movie "An Inconvienient Truth"shown recently in theaters was really convincing. (See the links section to the left )
There are several videos on Google Video which show some dramatic pictures. Check out this link:
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=2078944470709189270
and check out http://www.climatecrisis.net/ for more about the movie.

I personally live in the country north of Dallas.
Every Day I cross a fairly long bridge over a branch of Lake Lewisville in the town of Little Elm. To one side of the bridge is a park and boat ramp with a pier for the boaters to tie up to.
Frequenty in the spring, after our rainy season, the lake is about a foot over the deck of the pier. Now the lake has dropped so far that there is only 1 leg even reaching any water and that is about to become landlocked.
A boater could drive his pickup underneath the pier he usually ties up to, then he could get out and stand on his truck while beneath the pier! (dont try it though, you'd probably get a ticket)
But it not this which convinced me, it is the overwhelming global evidence!
I urge you to study, learn, and educate yourselves and your friends.
Then put pressure on your elected officials. If the future generations are to still have a hospitable home we have to act NOW. It may already be too late for total success, but the longer we wait the worse it will be.
Deacon Harry

Floyd's second test

2006-08-05T16:22:00.000-05:00

First I'd like to say that it does not look good for Floyd Landis. His second sample also came back positive for a too high level of testosterone.
There has been no official release of numbers, but the "leaks"are saying a 11 to 1 ratio which is extremely high. There have also been leaks that claimed that a carbon test was done which shows that the high level was due to a large portion of synthetic testosterone in his blood.
I would still like to know what the results were of any tests after the incriminating one. If he tested ok 1 a day or too, it would tend to indicate that the original tests may have been deliberately sabotaged, as his levels would not clear that fast.
I will watch with intrest for further news. In the meantime there is apparently no alternative other than to strip him of the title.
Seems in a way that there should still be a hearing before it is done.

I would really like to have a hero to believe in .

Deacon Harry

Check this out.

2006-07-30T05:30:00.000-05:00

http://www.borndifferent.org/home.html

I just found a link to a great site for people who don't understand that being gay is not a choice.
Especially check out the Norman on TV link on this page. This is an ad for tv being shown in a few places. It is restricted showing due to expense, but I would love to see it shown in prime time nationwide.

The "What people think "link brings up a very good point that most gay rights campaginers fail to realize. Most people who are against gay rights are merely not properly informed about homosexuality.

They need to be exposed to more facts and not led on by the claims of the fundamentalists such as Focus On The Family and others.

The next time you hear someone who is misinformed, ask them "When did you decide to be straight?"

The general public needs for more gays to be open about themselves. It's only if we let our friends and neighbors know who we are and that we are really no different than them that we can really expect to change the world.

Gay rights legislation wont force people to become educated.

Deacon Harry

False accusations and False test results.

2006-07-29T16:34:00.000-05:00

While I have been really down on a personal level recently, I have come home from work every day to watch the Tour De France on tv.
Because of Dan's involvement and later my own too, ( see the link to our old cycling site) it was natural for me to start watching Lance in the Tour 8 years ago.
From there my interest grew, and I am really a fan of road cycling.
Since my world was really crumbling recently, the Tour was really a relief for me.

The "Spanish inquisition" , (a insiders joke name for the big drug busts just before the Tour )changed the outlook for the Tour. I personally predicted that the next winner would be another American, and I gave a slight nod toward Floyd.
This was a fun race because so many different riders led the different stages and because the Yellow Jersey was in doubt until the very end.

When Floyd had his famous "bonk" on stage 16 I really felt for him. Although he did not blame them, it is a fact that his team did not support him properly that day.
You see, when riding any distance, your body uses energy at a faster rate than it can create it from using fat and other reserves in you body. You must drink and eat frequently, preferably foods which are high in carbs which can be broken down and used quickly. This is what Power Bars and other energy bars provide. Also, energy gels, which are even quicker acting, and lots & lots of water and sports drink to replace the high amounts of fluid and electrolytes lost to sweat.

Floyd's teammates dropped back and were not providing him with enough supplies and reminding him to eat and drink. His team car could and should have done more also. But anyway, on the last climb he "ran out of gas".

I have done this before, and it is really unpleasant. I bogged about 10 miles from our truck one time, and since Dan doesn't drive, I had to get back to the truck.
Dan and I spent about an hour sitting in the shade in the empty,deserted old downtown area of a small town while I tried to recoup.
When we started back, I was able to ride about a half block or so at a time, then we would have to stop for a couple of minutes rest. I kept breaking out in a sweat, but fortunately Dan kept making me drink to prevent dehydration. We made it back, but that was the worst afternoon of my life on wheels.

I have reviewed the stage on my TiVo and Floyd shows all the signs.
It is true that you can recover from this condition overnight, but I wonder if it may mess up your body chemistry.

The next Day Floyd went out on what I would have to say is the best single day effort by an individual rider in the history of cycling. He did what all the experts said was impossible.

Now we have word that at the end of that stage his test was off. This is a 2 sample test, if one test comes back off you re-test. He has given 2 samples and the second has not been tested yet.
until the re-tests there is no possible case. But of course the scandal hunting press has to jump in immediately to try to kick up dirt and create a fuss. Floyd is not accused of anything at this time, except in the press.

First of all the test in question did not show a high level of testosterone.
It showed an abnormal ratio between Testosterone and epitestosterone.
While this coul be from a high level of testosterone, it could also be a low level of epitestestorne.

What does this mean? Testerone and epitesterone are hormones which athletes (and everyone else)naturally have in their bodies. The level of the hormones varies from person to person and from day to day in the same person.

It is not the level which is measured, it is the Ratio. This ratio currently at 4 to 1 has changed over the years. It used to be 10 to 1, 8 to1, 6 to 1 and is currently set at 4 to 1.

What would the effects of the extreme bonk the day befor have on this ratio? how about the effects of alcohol the night between the stages have? No one has answered so far.

But a little thought might help clarify things. 1st Testosterone is used by athletes to try to build up muscle mass and increase strength. But, this is done in the years and month before competition. It would have no effect whatsoever in 1 day. 2nd testosterone levels build slowly and decrease slowly, they do not jump up and down from day to day.

Floyd was tested at least 6 times during the tour. All his other tests came back as clean. (the actual results are not disclosed, only that he was below the ratio)How could it change in 1 day only?

To help to settle this we need to know what the results of all his tests on the tour show. Not just his ratios, but the actuall amounts of each hormone.
Did he normally hang just below the"magical"4:1 ratio and barely raise above it the one day when his body chemistry was bound to be a bit off? Floyd has started a series of voluntary tests of his own to try to prove his innocence.

I feel that before a man is accused the evidence must be made public.

What I saw on TV was one of greatest feats ever by a single man in any sport anywhere and anytime.

Even if the second sample tests off I believe that there needs to be further investigation into the matter.
The test procedure used was established over 25 years ago, it has several sources of possible error in the handling of it.
The fact is that if Floyds testosterone was high on stage 17 it will still show high today. It will show in all the tests on the tour. 1 days test being off and not the others, merely means that the sample was mis-handled.

Testosterone boosts for 1only, cant happen, day would not help him if it could. Floyd knew he was going to be tested again at the end of the stage. Does anyone think he was stupid enough to deliberately fail?

Lance has been supportive of Floyd, as is right , he know what unfair accusations do to a cyclist.
Greg Lemond, the first American to win a Tour, however, managed to say that he was disappointed in Floyd, implying that he believes him guilty. He also said this about Lance. I kind of wonder, is Greg jealous of the late-comers who take some of glory from him? Or, since at the time Greg won there was little and poor testing, is he really saying that he had to cheat, so he believes everyone elso who wins does too?
I have lost a lot of respect for Greg
.
I do however believe that Floyd Landis is a true sports hero.
Deacon Harry

I'm back

2006-07-28T22:14:00.000-05:00

I have been undergoing some serious personal problems lately, and I haven't cared enough to write about anything.
It's been mostly financial troubles, with some major job related troubles and troubles at home.

Some of the things bothering me have continued to go badly, but some are beginning to turn around thanks to my Lord's faithfulness.

I am sure that my problems aren't over, but I feel that events are changing directions and I know that God is guiding things for me.

I do have some things I wish to say, and I am feeling the need to express myself.

Some parts of this blog are like a therapy to me. It's always neat to look at my counter and see that people actually read what I have to say. And, the writing itself is therapeutic as it makes me focus on an idea for a while.

So, anyway, check back soon, I have a couple of things that I want to get off my chest. More posts to follow.

Deacon Harry

Still More About Music. Bill Gaither Does Not Stand On His Principals.

2006-05-27T15:36:00.000-05:00

Here is news release issued by Rev Nancy Wilson, Moderator of Metropolitan Community Church and my take on the whole thing.

A Statement by the Moderatorof Metropolitan Community Churches
by The Reverend Nancy L. WilsonOffice of the MCC Moderator
CORRECTING THE RECORD:A Response To Bill Gaither's Comments AboutOpenly-Lesbian Christian Songwriter and Musician Marsha Stevens-Pino

May 26, 2006In early May, Gospel Music leader Bill Gaither, whose hymns appear in many church hymnals and whose concerts draw tens of thousands of concertgoers, distributed a public statement about Christian songwriter and musician Marsha Stevens-Pino.Marsha is an open lesbian described as "the mother of contemporary Christian music" by the Encyclopedia of Contemporary Christian Music, and a long-time member of Metropolitan Community Churches.Marsha, who has faithfully devoted her life to ministering to lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgender (LGBT) persons, has been called "Conservative Christianity's worst nightmare - a Jesus-loving, Bible-believing, God-fearing lesbian Christian," by Christian Century magazine.Gaither's recent press release was intended to diffuse controversy over public statements he made before 15,000 concertgoers in Phoenix, Arizona in 2002. In his press statement, Gaither accuses Marsha Stevens-Pino of "misrepresentation" and describes Marsha's life as a "sad story."I am taking the extraordinary step of issuing a public statement on this matter, and am doing so for two reasons:First, many hurtful and false things are often said about gay and lesbian people of faith. And most often, we let them go. But there are some things we ought not to let go. Because Bill Gaither's statement publicly attacks a lesbian of deep integrity and spiritual faith, I must correct the misleading impressions in his statement.Second, there may be many young LGBT youth, as well as straight youth, who look up to Bill Gaither and who will believe what he says about Marsha Stevens, in particular, or about LGBT people, in general. They may be struggling with issues around spirituality and sexuality. They need to hear from us and they deserve to know the truth.Some background information may be helpful.The following facts are not in dispute: Marsha attended a Gaither concert in Phoenix, Arizona on New Year's Eve of 2002. She and her partner were invited backstage to meet Bill Gaither prior to the concert, and a photo was taken. During the concert, Gaither publicly recognized Marsha from the stage and referenced a song, "For Those Tears I Died," that Marsha had written. He sang Marsha's song from the stage during the concert and the 15,000 concertgoers who were present sang along as Marsha's song was the concert's final song, and as 2002 turned into 2003.Here's what is in dispute: During his public comments before 15,000 people, Gaither, a conservative Christian, made statements that many interpreted as supportive and affirming of gay and lesbian people of faith. Those comments sparked a controversy among conservative, fundamentalist, and evangelical Christians. Gaither now claims that his comments were not directed to Marsha as an openly lesbian Christian -- but rather, were general comments made to his audience and which have been taken out of context.Regrettably, in his current efforts to distance himself from his own public statements, Gaither's press response contains what I believe to be four specific misleading or erroneous statements.As Christians, we stand by the teachings of Jesus, who taught in Matthew 18:15, "If a fellow believer hurts you, go and tell that person, and work it out between the two of you. If that person listens, you've made a friend." Marsha has written directly to Bill Gaither and asked for such a meeting in accordance with biblical guidelines. It is our prayer that such a meeting will take place and that this controversy will be resolved amicably between them.Because Marsha has devoted her life and ministry to the LGBT community, and because her ministry has been an outreach of Metropolitan Community Churches for more than 20 years, and because Bill Gaither's statements about Marsha were made publicly, I believe it is appropriate to correct the public record.1. Gaither claims that Marsha "misrepresented and misused" a visit to a Gaither Concert in Phoenix Arizona.This statement is not correct and contains no supporting evidence to back up this claim. A review of the video of the concert very clearly confirms Marsha's version of these events and her representation of what took place at the concert.2. Gaither claims that "someone snapped a photograph of the four of us, a picture Marsha has exploited on her Web site ever since."This statement is misleading; at the very least it leaves the impression that a photograph was unwittingly made of their meeting. Even a cursory look at the photograph clearly shows that Gaither, a well-known public figure, posed for the photo. Make up your own mind by viewing the photo on-line here.

3. Gaither's recollection of the event leaves out a crucial fact: His press statement makes it appear that he addressed general comments about God's acceptance to the audience. In fact, he clearly addressed his comments directly to Marsha.
Gaither's press statement describes his public comments from the concert stage this way:"Gloria and I were celebrating our 40th anniversary that night and we sang a number of songs that had been special to us over the years, including, "For Those Tears I Died." I mentioned, from the platform, that the woman who wrote that song "is here tonight." I then said that I love that song because someone "may have seen a grownup with a Jesus that maybe is pushing you away, that wouldn't let you in. And you were never good enough. The only Christ I know is the Christ in that song, with His arms out very wide, saying, ‘come to the water.’ That’s the only Christ I know-- come as you are."However, the statement is misleading. A review of a video of the concert clearly shows that Gaither actually addressed his remarks, not to "someone" -- but directly to Marsha by saying:"But we sang a song by a young lady who’s here tonight, Marsha Stevens…and Marsha, we have sung that song all over the country and I love it because you may have seen and grown up with a Jesus that maybe was pushing you away, that wouldn't let you in, and you were never good enough. The only Christ I know is the Christ in that song, with his arms out very wide, saying, ‘come to the water.’ That’s the only Christ I know. Come as you are." [At this point the audience breaks into strong applause.]This is really the heart of the controversy: His actual statement was made directly to Marsha and spoke of how Jesus Christ loves and accepts Marsha, who is an open lesbian -- his recent press statement makes it appear that he spoke a general message to the entire audience.4. Gaither's press statement, speaking of Marsha Stevens-Pino, claims, "Her story is a sad one."Nothing could be further from the truth. I have known Marsha for more than 20 years. Hers is a vibrant life that overflows with God's love and God's blessing.Marsha's life continues to be a remarkable testimony to God's unconditional love for all people, including lesbians, gays, bisexuals, and transgender persons. Her life, her music, and her ministry have brought spiritual faith and hope to untold thousands of LGBT people. There is nothing sad about that -- rather, hers is a joyous story of God's grace and peace.I am mindful of God's words in Acts 10:15, "What God has pronounced clean, do not profane by calling unhallowed or unclean."This is the truth of Marsha's story:At the age of 16, as a member of Children of the Day, one of the earliest contemporary Christian music groups, Marsha wrote, "For Those Tears I Died," a hymn that continues to bless lives and which is sung in churches around the world. After years of prayer and study, Marsha came to know that truth that God had created her as a lesbian and loved her unconditionally in Christ. She found a new place of service and ministry in Metropolitan Community Churches. Marsha served on MCC's Elders' Task Force on Evangelism and, in 1993, went into full-time music ministry to the LGBT community. I have been honored to serve as one of her mentors, along with Rev. Elder Jeri Ann Harvey and Rev. Elder Freda Smith. For many years, Marsha ministered more that 150 times a year in churches around the world. She has recorded her own albums of Gospel music and her BALM (Born Again Lesbian Music) Ministries have produced two CD's of emerging LGBT artists. In 2002, she and her wife, Cindy Stevens-Pino, began upBeat!, the first-ever music ministry training program for LGBT Christian artists. Marsha and Cindy continue to travel and minister God's love in churches and concerts, from 50-75 times each year. In both 2001 and 2005, Marsha was honored with Pioneer Awards in spiritual music from GLAMA (Gay and Lesbian American Music Awards) and from OutMusic. Within Metropolitan Community Churches, she was the first lay recipient of the Purple Grass Award for excellence in evangelism. I am pleased to provide this testimony to Marsha's ministry, and to her integrity and spiritual commitment. In the spirit of understanding, I encourage Bill Gaither to retract misleading statements made about Marsha Stevens-Pino, and further urge that he accept Marsha's invitation to meet in person in accordance with biblical guidelines./signed/The Reverend Nancy L. WilsonMCC Moderator
It is obvious that Bill was trying not to offend the fundamenatlists out there, and to keep his sales from slumping.
I know Martha and Cindy and have heard of the night in question from them.
I have no doubt of the truth of Martha's side of the events, and there is a video of the concert which supports her.

I also have a copy of the photo taken that night which I posted here.. I ask you, does that look like a spontainous picture taken by "someone with a camera"or a deliberate pose?
Isn't Bills arm around Marsha's shoulder?

The main thing to me is that I know of a lot of very good people in our church who love Gaither's music. They also love and know Marsha.

Bill's apparent disregard for the truth and his apparent lack of ethics has hurt the feelings of a lot of his fans. I expected better of him. Does he only tell the truth when it is to his advantage?

When Marsha came out a lot of "christians" burned her music and tore her hymn out of their hymnals and mailed the pages to her.

So, as members of MCC who wish to support Marsha and who want to make a statement to Bill, should we burn his alums and mail him the ashes?

I will volunteer the little of his music that I have to start the flames. Actually, I prefer a newer style of praise and worship music anyway.

Think about it and pray for Marsha and Cindy, as I know this has hurt their feelings.
Pray for Bill also, as he needs it more. Has to realize that as a Christian leader he should always stand up for what he believes in.

Either he lied at the concert on new years eve or he is lying now.

Deacon Harry

More Music Stuff

2006-05-27T14:29:00.000-05:00

After my recent post about the Dixie Chicks new album which took a slap at the face of country music. I thought that I ought to mention Neil Youngs new album "Living With War" The big song from the album is "Lets Impeach The President".
Although I agree with a couple of the points he makes, I do feel that he might have gone a bit overboard on some of it.

He does have a point about the lying and waging war against Iraq to seek revenge for 911. It has been proven over and over that Saddam Hussein had nothing to do with the acts of terrorism.

So we invaded an innocent country to seek "weapons of mass destruction" that never existed. Meanwhile Al Queaeda was secure and far away..

Most of the accusations about Bush have some basis in fact, but some of rhetoric of the extreme left is even hard for me to swallow.

There is no doubt, however, that the administration has been involved in illegal and unconstitutional spying on American citizens in the name of "national security".

In fact, too me, there is one issue that to me points out that George W and Nixon have a lot in common.
They both have an attitude that they are "the emperor" and that the rules do not apply to them.

Anything they wish to do is ok, and is justified because it helps to reach their goals.

George can be expected to have this type of attitude when you consider that his mother said of the New Orleans refugees living in the Astrodome actually came out of eveything in a good position because they were poor befor and now they were recieving money from the government.

Actually, in retrospect, maybe I do agree with Neil on one thing..Impeachment of the President may be a good thing. Nixon deserved it and so does George.

As for the album, I operate the sound board at our church and I would be embarassed if I recorded something as poorly done as this album.

But it if you think his message is the important thing and you want to hear what he has to say buy it. Run it loud and boost the 1 K frequencies on your eq to make the lyrics clearer. It's worth hearing.

Here is a link to Neil's website where you can find out more about the album.

http://neilyoung.com/lww/lww.html

Deacon Harry

Not Ready to Make Nice or YEA For The Dixie Chicks

2006-05-23T21:07:00.000-05:00

The Dixie Chicks released their first new album since the great hoopla over the remark made by Natalie Maines to a London audience that she was ashamed that George W. was from Texas.

The country fans, showing that they are a bunch of puppets incapable of original thought, responded by boycotting the Chicks.
Country stations refused to play their music. They were kind of kicked out of the country music scene.

Now it has come out that they received death threats. The police had to escort them on and off stage at their concerts.

They have been severely chastised since then. Natalie even made an apology, saying that she was sorry she had made the remarks because they showed disrespect.

Now she clairifes that the remark showed disrespect for the office, but she doesn't feel that way anymore "I don't feel he is owed any respect whatsoever."

She should really be jumping up and down shouting "I Told You So!"

Their song "Not Ready To Make Nice" has definite political overtones.

The line "I can't believe that the words I said made you jump clean over the edge". about sums it up.

Cnn has a good article on the new album at:http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/05/21/cover.story.tm/index.html

As for me the first thing I did after hearing the song was to rush to I Tunes and buy a download of the album...It's realy quite good even though I normally listen only to Christian and Jazz.

It is thought that the chicks are actually telling the country people "F--You!" with the song "Not Ready To Make Nice."
They are thought to be trying to cross over to a different audience.

As the article on CNN says, "By gambling their country careers on a change of audience its an undeniable fact that three women from Texas have proven that they have the biggest balls in Ämerican music".

Do your self a favor and buy the album its very good. Ecnourage your radio stations to play their music. "Balls this big "deserve support.

Deacon Harry

WHAT THE JOKE REALLY SAYS

2006-05-18T05:27:00.001-05:00

The joke I recently posted is funny, but it also points out the biggest thing that the fundamentalists are doing wrong.
They are ignoring one of the most important principals that this country was founded on,separation of church and state.

This country was founded to let everyone have freedom of religion, or in some cases freedom from religion.
No one should try to force their own beliefs on the rest of us. The expression "It's a free country"has a very important point.

Our form of government was established to insure that every should have the right to live their lives in any way they choose, as long as they don't interfere with the rights of others.

The Amish have the right to dress in black and to drive a buggy down the road. But they do not have the right to force me to do so also.

By the same token, Muslims, Hindus, and others have the right under the constitution to live their live and to worship in the way that they choose.
The Chrisitan majority does not and should not have the power to force them to become Christian.

The fundmentalists have forgotten that principal. They currently have a lot of wealthy people backing them, and they are attempting to insert their beliefs on everyone else.

Our president and many in congress are currently involved in a campaign to force us to live by their rules. This is in direct violation of the constitution, and is a very real threat to the American way of life.

President Jimmy Carter has written a book on this titled"Our Endangered Values". subtitled "Americas Moral Crisis."

I would encourage you to read this book. I actually did not vote for Carter, because I felt that Nixon was a better choice for economic reasons. ( In retrospect, I Really Blew That One!) I do have to say after reading his book that his leadership is what we need today. His observations and his ideas are absolutely "right on

On a different note, for a different take on the recent phone spying scandal see: http://www.dearnsa.com/ its really a funny site about another case of the current administration proving their disregard for Americas constitution.

Good Answer!

2006-05-17T05:50:00.000-05:00

I recieved this in an email and its great. Since I'm about to go to work & don't have a lot of time, I am going to post it by itself.

On Wednesday, March 1st, 2006, in Annapolis at a hearing on the proposed Constitutional Amendment to prohibit gay marriage, Jamie Raskin,professor of law at AU, was requested to testify. At the end of his testimony, Republican Senator Nancy Jacobs said: "Mr. Raskin, my Bible says marriage is only between a man and a woman. What do you have to say about that?"Raskin replied: "Senator, when you took your oath of office, you placed your hand on the Bible and swore to uphold the Constitution. You did not place your hand on the Constitution and swear to uphold the Bible."

Save The Internet!

2006-05-14T20:36:00.000-05:00

Along the left side of this blog you will see some new additions .
The first thing is a box to click on that asks your help to perserve internet neutrality
.
It seems that the big service providers have come up with a scheme to make themselves lots of money while ruining one of the basic fundamental principals of the internet.

It works this way. Each big server or search engine will charge for preferential treatment.

Say you were to use a search engine (like Yahoo or Google) for a new audio device. There may be a small startup company which builds a device which is perfect for your needs.

There is also a big corporation who builds a device which, although not really suited for your needs, might be usable. The big corporation pays the search engine. So when you run a search the big corporations device is listed first..The start-ups device, because they cannot afford the preferential treatment, will be on the 8th page of results.

In other words, you will be steered away from what you were looking for towards the one with the money.

That is how you defeat the objectivity of the internet. Please contact your congressman and tell him you want to keep the internet objective. Its a basic principal upon which the entire net is based.

Say you were to search for the latest about the telephone spying scandal.
Instead of the legitimate news stories, AT&T could see to it that you are steered to posts about how wonderful they are and what a great champion of the people George W is.
It goes on and on.. The big problem is that the internet will no longer be a legitimate way to research things.
The results will always be slanted towards the money. Independent sites may take twice as long to load as paid site.
Please click on the box and go to the Move On.org site to read about this threat to the net, and how you can help.

Deacon Harry

Phone Spying

2006-05-13T18:03:00.000-05:00

You are being spied on by your government. See the story on ABC News
http://abcnews.go.com/WNT/Investigation/story?id=1491889.

The NSA has built the largest database in the world according to a source quoted on CBS. "It's a complete database of every phone call made within the United States", their source said.
This was done without warrants in total violation of your 4th amendment rights!

Congressional leaders on both sides of the isle demanded answers. None were forthcoming, but Bush defended the NSA and admitted that he gave the ok to spy on a small number of Americans.

To make matters worse, Bush has nominated General Michael Hayden who was the NSA head during this spying program to be the new head of the CIA!

Hayden has said that he might resign from the Air Force because of criticisms of having a General in charge of a civilian agency.

Republican congressional leaders are slowly coming in line with Hayden's appointment. Trent Lott ( R) said that he would vote to confirm is nothing comes up to change his mind.

What does he call criminal spying on American citizens?

As for Bush's response about the constitutional issues, at one time he was on record explaining that the Constitution is more of a guideline, a suggestion, to be considered, and not a law . He considers himself above the constitution!

At&t , Verizon and Bell-South all co-operated with the government by giving the government total access to their records. Qwest is the only major telco to tell the NSA that they wanted to see their warrants.

So, what can you do about this?
1. Call or write your congressman and demand that the government be held accountable for their actions.
2. Call or write your phone provider and let them know that you do not like their giving up your private information in a totally illegal and
unethecal way.
3. In November, vote straight Democrat. We must remove the evil doers from government and eliminate their supporters and party members who do nothing because they don't want to rock the boat.
Voting for an independent or a third party candidate as a protest may make you feel better , but since the person recieveing your vote will not be able to win and may actually take votes from candidates who might stand a real chance changing things.
We must bring about change.
We must also seperate Church and State again. The American way of life is in danger.
Deacon Harry

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED DAY !!

2006-05-01T18:42:00.000-05:00

Today is a national holday and I could not let it pass by without a comment.
Several months ago I decided that due some reaction to my postings I would quit writing about politics and the radical right. It really kind of took my heart out the blog..
However I could not make myself stay away from the computer on this special holiday.

This is the third anniversary of Mission Accomplished Day in Iraq.

On this day George W Bush announced"My fellow Americans, Major combat operations in Iraq have ended."

This is such a special day, Iraq is now free, we are welcome heros in the middle east. .
The weapons of mass destruction were all accounted for and were destroyed.!
It is so tranquil there now.

Yeah,Right!!!... in actuality:
38,861 Iraqai civilians have died in Iraq
2401 Americans have died as of May 1st
17467 Americans were injured and
209 coalition soldiers have died.
And look at the counter on left side of this blog for the financial cost.

This is all since the war ended.!

see the charts @http://www.ac.wwu.edu/~stephan/USfatalities.html
CNN has a good special report dated today at http://edition.cnn.com/2006/POLITICS/05/01/iraq.poll/

I am so glad that we have such a wonderful leader in America!
"The Decider".

This is the same leader who with his do nothing congress has allowed the oil companies to make windfall record profits on the backs of the American Middle Class.
Now he wants to give each taxpayer a $100. tax rebate.
But that money not coming from the excessive profits of the oil companies who should have to pay an excessive profits tax.

That money he wants to give you is YOUR money!

He doesn't have the extra cash required. He is giving it to you out of your future taxes!
Next year you will have to pay it back. It's a grandstranding b.s plan which is only designed to fool the masses into thinking he is giving them something!
When the Democrats wanted to tax the oil companies for their excessive
taxes the Republicans would not allow it to even be debated!

George has a 30% approval rating! 30%!
Thats amazing. I guess it proves that you can fool some of the people all of the time!

In case you may have noticed, I still get angry with W and his bandit congress.

I guess that every once in a while I will have to speak out and let the chips fall where they may.

Deacon Harry

Camping with Company

2006-04-17T20:26:00.000-05:00

In Feb I posted about a young man who lived with me many years ago (You Can't go Back) He was coming to visit and bringing his 10 year old son with him. I love him like a son and consider him to be my son.
We used to spend many hours discussing life ,attitudes and how a man learns to deal with his troubles.

Well the young man was here to visit me for the last 10 days or so and it was really a rewarding experience for me.

We had kind of a rocky start, but our camping trip gave me time to get to know him again and to meet his 10 year old son.

I am so proud of him! When I look back at the troubled young man who I knew first when he was 13 and who moved in with me at 15, I can hardly believe that he is the really the successful adult family man I spent this vacation with.

The depth with at which we were at one time able to talk about our inner feelings was still there and we could still talk about our most private selves.
I found myself listening in amazement to him discussing his family, his business and his life. The confused hurt young man is now gone and a genuine sucessfull adult is there in his place.

His son is wonderful. He worships the ground that his step-dad walks on and it shows.
He is very smart and very mature for a 10 year old. But, he still is a neat little boy at times, too. I now feel a genuine love for him just as I do his stepdad. I know the he is the apple of his stepdad's eye!

I know that my "self adopted "son still gives me a lot of credit because he says that I was the one person who believed in him when he needed it. However, I think someone else deserves a lot of the credit for the changes in him. That's his wife.

Although I have talked to her many times on the phone I have never had the pleasure of meeting her face to face. It's something I really want to do. She has to be a very special woman indeed to settle my son down and get him to accomplish so much in life. And her son is really a tribute to her skills as a mother.

So, I want to say thank you to Donna for all that she has done for my son and for allowing me to get to know her son as a step grandson.

The week camping was a time that I will always cherish and remember fondly. It will even give me teary eyes and a joyful heart.

I was Just Thinking...

2006-03-30T20:32:00.000-06:00

Oral Roberts fell and broke his hip. I can hardly wait for Pat Robertson to say why God did this to him. (Jim Barach)
a line I lifted from the Log Cabin Republican Newsletter forwarded to me by a friend.

There are some real prizes in the fundamentalist camp. Jerry Fallwell impresses me as a real snake in the grass. I would never trust him for even 1/2 a second. Ask Tammy Faye about him.
Pat Robertson is my favorite, though. This man is a real contorionist! I have never in my life known of another human being who could stick his foot so far down his own throat! He has got to be an embarrassment to the other right wing radicals.( W is not far behind.)
I love it when something happens to a famous person. I always want to hear what Pat has to say.

Flip Benham is very active around our area. Have you ever heard him speak in public? I would say that he sounds like a slimy, untrustworthy, con man used car salesman. But that would be an insult to slimy, untrustworthy, used car salesmen everywhere.

And then there is Freddy Phelps. His church members all seem to be inbred members of his family.
I heard his son on the radio recently.All I can say is "that nut didn't fall far from the tree."

My biggest message, which I tried to calm down for a long time is that my God did not make me so he could have someone to hate!
I know I was made in his image. I am happy and I am saved! I accept Christ as my Savior and I dedicate my life to serving Him. What more could anyone ask?

I hope that any young people who happen upon this site will remember one thing.
No matter what you have heard, It is Ok to be yourself. God does love you no matter what some ill advised persons may have told you.

Deacon Harry

A GREAT EXPERIENCE..your help needed

2006-03-25T11:21:00.001-06:00

First, after the tremendous rains here the very day after I posted about how dry it has been in Texas.. Thanks, God, we needed that. However, the lakes south of us are all good. We are still 20 feet down. Coul you do it again, only this time concentrate on the area between Denton & Gainsville on the west and Mckinney and Sherman on the East. That ought to include the watersheds which feed opur 2 lakes, Ray Roberts & Lewisville.
The Element is great,I love drvivng it. It is quieter , faster and better handling than I expected.

Today was the kickoff for The Lone Star Ride Fighting AIDS.
My involvement with this has been one of the best, most meaningful things in my life.
Dan started riding on the predecessor ride the Tanquarery Texas Aids Ride II. many years ago.
The proudest moment of my life was when Dan held his bike over his head in triumph at the closing ceremonies held at the Kennedy Memeorial in downtown Dallas.
He had ridden his bike 350 miles in 4 days! One day was 103 miles!
The for pay group who put onr those rides spent so much money on the ride that the organizations who were the beneficiaries did not make enough money to be worth continuing.
So, the Lone Star Ride Fighting AIDS was born.
This ride is run by volunteers, and is entirely supported by sponsors.
To date EVERY cent of the pledges and even a portion of the rider and crew registration fees has gone to the beneficiaries.
It is truly a sucess story! It is an act of love by those involved. The riders and crew are all such wonderful people that I will always keep coming back.
Please consider riding or crewing if you want a life changing experience.
Or, if you would prefer, please pledge to support the ride or the individual riders.
Each rides has to raise a minimum of $1,000 to ride, but the more the better. If you would care to support a rider please contact me for information.There will be several of us involved, including Dan, Jonathan, Kathy and myself.
There will be more on the ride coming up in later posts, but for starters check out http://www.lonestarride.org for information.
Or, you can check out an old site I did several years ago when I rode on the ride. Since then I have been on the crew. Due to my congestive heart failure the heart muscle is very thick and does not pump very efficently. After a year of hard training I did the ride. I always had trouble keeping up. I can do the distance, but not in the time required to fit the schedule. I would still be riding after dark.
But, who knows, I will be riding with my friends on their training rides and I may decide to try again.
The old site is http://www.bikeboys.iwarp.com
All For now. Deacon Harry

The Element and the elements.

2006-03-18T17:45:00.000-06:00

Its raining thank God. The lakes around our home are the lowest I can remember. There is a long bridge near us in Little Elm. Off to the side is a park with a boat ramp and pier. Usually this time of year the deck of the pier is underwater by about a foot.
This year the whole pier is almost dry down to the bottom of the legs. The water looks to be down by 20 feet or more.
We are on a privately owned well water system where we live and I am very much afraid that we will be without water before the summer is over.
The rain today is nice, but it would take at least a month of days with 3 inches or more of rain to save us.
Meanwhile the Texas panhandle burns, and a man I talked to recently in Ontario Canada said that this was the least snow winter in the entire time they have kept records. There have been a lot of bad hurricanes the last couple of years, and nature is going nuts.
I do realize that these thing go in cycles, but I think there is more to it than that.Global Warming? I don't know, but I am worried about it.
meanwhile when my company comes from Florida to go camping, we wont be able to build campfires because of the danger. These rains like we are having today just soak in and don't really make enough difference.

We went out today and sold cans. Dan has been crushing cans and storing them under our doubled for about 18 months. Today we took the back seats out of the new Element and put a tarp inside then we filled the back up with cans and drove into Dallas and sold them. $55 for a load and we have enough cans still waiting to make 2 more trips.
I am learning to balance the great audio system in the Honda and it really rocks.
I love the sub woofer. and the XM satellite radio is cool.
I love the Nascar channel, the 24 hour a day weather and traffic of the DFW Metroplex, and all the great Jazz and Christian music, all without commercials!
I really thought that in buying the Element that I would be giving up a lot of performance, but was I ever wrong. Every time I look at the speedometer I am do 80! I also continue to be the first away from the light, the same as I always have.
I am really looking forward to taking it out in the woods for an evening in nature. Its a natural!
I am also looking forward to bicycling again. I now have a way to get my recumbent out to the good country roads again.
I know they Element is funky looking, but it is the Swiss army knife of vehicles! It really corners well, not at all like a top heavy box.
All in all I guess you could say that I love it. My only compliant is that all the washable floors and upholstery make it have a bit of an echo inside, i took some time to tweak the audio properly to make it sound good.
Todfay i ordered some carpeted full floor mats with plush pile 1/2 inch think which I believe will nake sound great. Bear in mind though that most people wpould never hear what bothers me.
Not unless you are really into sound!
Mor later, its time to go otu and eat. We are going to try a Mediterrain place in Frisco. new food is always a treat.

A short post...anouncement

2006-03-04T19:44:00.000-06:00

I bought the new vehicle I needed for security job wise. I bought a Honda Element.

Why I haven't been posting.

2006-03-03T22:27:00.000-06:00

The last few weeks have been very stressful for me. My job is about to reach a critical point and I may be unemployed.

About 3 years ago the security company I work for was bought out by a Hugh corporation. In fact they are about #50 in the Fortune 500.
That was the start. We had thought that the upper management left something to be desired before. We didn't know how bad it could get.

The management now only cares about formulas and the magic "ratios."
If income is at a certain level the expenses must be at a certain level.
This isn't bad if you increase income to reach your goals.
But our management cuts expenses to reach their goals. Even though it only serves to cut income soon because of poor customer service.
We are loosing customers at a tremendous rate.

I run the service department and poor service goes against everything I am trained to deliver.
Now it would appear that they are about to eliminate me by putting me in an impossible position.

I necessitated a company vehicle as part of my pay package because we were too far apart on pay scale and the free car is a tremendous perk. I consider it to be about $4.00 per hour in today's economy
.
The lease is running out on the car I have been driving and I have been told, but not by upper management yet, that they are not going to furnish a car any longer.
It is not official, but it seems that they don't think I can do anything but stay because of my age. Or, if I leave, they hope that they can find someone to do my work for less.

So, I am stressed out. Because my very old pickup is on its last legs I am now car hunting.

I must have reliable transportation for my next job, which will most likely not include a car in the compensation package.
I have heard that a car allowance my be negotiated, which may help, and I really expect to make up the $4 per hour in my pay package..

But, I am 61 years old. I have a real good insurance package and other perks.

It also is scary to be unemployed at my age . I have not been without a source of income for over 25 years!

So, now you know why I haven't been posting. I am so burned out when I come home that all I want to do is vegitate and sleep.

P.S. If you are in the car business and have some great deals let me know. If you are in the electronic security industry and need a service manager or a customer service or tech support person let me know.

Deacon Harry

You cant go back.

2006-02-20T15:52:00.000-06:00

You can't go back. An old expression, and unfortunately, a true one.
We have all been there, we start thinking about the good old days and wishing we could return, to see old haunts and renew old relationships. But when we get there we find that the old places have changed and the old people have changed, and we have changed.

I spent several hours on the phone last night witha friend who now lives in Florida. He is coming to visit in a couple of months and wants to take his young son camping in all the places that he remembers from his life here.
He lived with me for several years off and on. His step brother and I were together for a while and his father and I were partners in some dealing. As long as I knew him he was going from one family member to another and never happy anywhere.
If he seemed to be getting settled he would purposely do something to mess up the situation and would loose his home.

For some reason, his family never seemed to figure out that his actions were the result of his past. You could not take a young 15 year old who came from a disruptive background and expect him to behave normally just because he in a new place where he was supposed to feel wanted.
His past experience had taught him that the good living situation was only temporary and he could only depend on himself. If he wanted something he took it, right or wrong
.
One night I recieved a phone call from him. He was at the airport and had been sent back from his mother in Massachusets to his father here again. He said that his father had moved and he needed to get a hold of him. He wanted to know if I knew his number.
I asked him if he wanted me to pick him up at the airport since I lived close and I would help him find his father the next day.

That night I started thinking that he really needed a solid home if he had any chance of living a normal life I deciced that he was worth the time andeffort on my part if it gave him a chance at a good life..
So, the next morning, I asked him if he wanted to live in my spare bedroom. I told him that if he want to school and followed the rules he could live with me.
I thought it said a lot about his family that when his father found out that his then 16 year old was living with a gay man his only comment was 'Oh, I didn't know he was gay". ( He wasn't)

What was different when he moved in with me was that I really believed that there was a good young man inside there somewhere and I wanted to bring him out.
I also knew that he was very likely to make mistakes over and over, and the only hope he had was to have someone who was always there to help him get back up again. In otherwards I had to make a long term commitment.

We had many ups and downs, and I told him that he had to leave several times when he went too far, but when he was really down and needed a home and some guidance I was still there.

We spent many nights camping in the area and hours upon hours talking about life.
Eventually, when Dan was getting sick I told him that he was in his 20's and I could not spend the time and energy to let him come back again. I owed my attention to Dan, my partner.
I told him I would always love him as a son, and would always be available to talk, but I could not let him return again. I relly didn't expect to ever hear from him again.

There followed a period where I did not hear from him for a while. Then one day he called. He had met a good woman with the patience and the determination to help him settle down. He is in Florida with a family and his own auto repair business.

I had trouble with my pickup a few years ago and talked to him about on the phone, He told me that he did not believe that the problem was what I thought it was. I did the tests that he reccomended and when they were negative and I could not get him on the phone again, I started a major process repairing what I thought the problem was.
He called me back in a couple of days and when he found out waht I was doing, he talked to his wife and called me back and said that he was flying here to fix my truck for me.
He came here in the middle of winter and we spent a week outside under a tarp in the rain fixing the truck. All the way from Florida!

We only talk on the phone 2 or 3 times a year, but when we do, it lasts for a long time. Last night we talked from 8:45 pm untill 2:30 am. I have unlimited nights and weekends on my cell plan.
Anyway, the old truck is outside never being driven. It has several things wrong with it and it would cost me more than it is worth to have it fixed.
He loves the old truck because we went camping so often in it and it has a sentimental value to him. I told him that he would come and get it would give it to him.

So, in April he is coming with his 10 yr old step son to camp here for a week or so then he will tow it home to Flotida.
He is looking forward to it and so am I. I will always love him as a son and the time we lived together was a big part of my life.

I do believe, however, that he will be dissapointed in a lot of things.
The area where we camped years ago has changed, I have changed, I am now crippled by arthritis and will not be able to run around a lot. But, the biggest thing is that he will be seeing things through different eyes. He has seen and experienced a lot more since the good old days . It will all look different to him because of these experiences.

But, in any case, I am looking forward to seeing him.
Based on our past record of visits, this could very likely be the last time we will visit in this lifetime. So, I plan on savoring every minute of it.

Deacon Harry

Willies Song...

2006-02-17T05:07:00.000-06:00

I have had a real rough week or 2. Its the end of the period at work and lots of stuff to do trying to make my numbers. Also, there have been complaints about service nor being done on time because we don't have enough help to do it.
But, I have had a few minutes here and there for other activities. You Have you heard about Willie Nelson's new song on the news?
It seems that Willie released a new song called "Cowboys Are Secretly Frequently (Fond of Each Other).
It's really pretty good. He has some great lyrics "There's many a young boy who feels things he don't comprehend. Well the small town don't like it when somebody falls between sexes. No, the small town don't like it when a cowboy has feelings for men."
He goes on"Well, a cowboy may brag about things he does with his women, but ones who brag loudest are the ones who are most likely queer."
Its, really kind of neat. On top of Brokeback Mountain this song is really giving the fundamentalists something to yell about.
Last weekend about 2 dozen dancers were at "The Roundup Saloon" a Dallas country type gay bar to shot a video for release this spring.
One of Willie's songs "He Was A Friend Of Mine". was in the soundtrack of Brokeback Mountain.
Willie said that the song, which was written by a friend Ned Sublette in 1981, was released this year for valentines Day because the time seemed right after Brokeback mountains success.
The song is currently available only as a download from I Tunes. I down-loaded it along with enough other Willie songs to fill a cd. I'll get to listen on the way to work today.
It looks like gays have one more thing out there to help educate the public. It's all pretty cool when you consider that not many years ago we were unable to admit who we are because of fear.
Equal rights are coming, but it takes time and people with enough courage to stand up and be counted.
Deacon Harry

Focus on The Family

2006-02-10T04:59:00.000-06:00

This is a copy of an email that I sent to a very dear firend concerning an email that she forwarded to many people urging that they join a campaign by "Focus on the Family"attacking CBS due to the cancellation of "Touched By An Angel.". We have exchanged emails about the forwarding and I did rather over react, but, I hate to see a well meaning loving, trusting person being used to spread the propaganda of the fundamentalists hate .
This link takes you to Focus on the Family's website search results on the word Gay.

http://search.family.org/query.cfm?qt=gay&style=family&Search.x=10&Search.y=7

I think this is an example of why I don't like the group and is something I included in the e-mail to show her why that group does not deserve her support.

It seems that in the message that she forwarded Dr Dobson was delibertly slanting things to make the cancellation seem like it was done to attack Christianity.
If that were the case then why would the network have ever presented the program in the first place?
CBS is a business and their goal is to present programing that brings viewers, sells advertising and makes money. If they did not like the shows Christian slant they would simply not have aired it in the first place.

However that is not what Dr Dobson stated in his campaign against this business cancelling a non profitable show. He, and his group, Focus On The Family, changed the story entirely to fit his own agenda.
Like most of the radical right they feel that anyone who doesn't fit their model is the enemy and anything they say or do is ok if it defeats the enemy.

President Jimmy Carter has strong enough feelings abou the fundamentalists to write a book about their influence. Its called Öur Endangered Values".
He says"The most important factor is that fundamentalists have become increasingly influential in both religion and government, and have managed to change the nuances and subtleties of historic debate into black and white rigities and the personal derogation of those who dare to disagree."
"The influence of these trends poses a threat to many of our nation's historic customs and moral commitments both in governments and houses of worship."
Narrowly defined theological beliefs have been adopted as the ridgid agenda of a political party.
The irresolvable difference of opinion on abortion, homosexuality, and other sensitive social issues have been exacerbated by the insistence of intensly committed hard-liners on imposing their minority views on a more moderate majority."

Mike Piaza (yes him) says Focus on the Family and the American Family Association and other groups like them area real threat to all Americans freedoms.

I am very passionate about this subject because I feel that the country Dan & I both love and defended in uniform is in a very real danger.

What may seem to be perfectly logical Christian truths can frequently be untrue and their statements can be misleading and are put forth to further their own agenda.

These are the same people who recently tried to bully Ford into dropping all support and advertising from all gay publications. They have boycotted Disney, and many others. All in the name of their brand of Christianity.

This is totally against what I believe are Christian and American values.

I am a Christian, and am sure of my faith and my salvation. It is not through the God of Dr Dobson. It is through the Grace of Jesus Christ who died on the cross for me.

Deacon Harry

The Story of Me Part 2..... Pat

2006-01-30T19:40:00.000-06:00

So, Pat moved to Texas and became the son I'll never have. He had changed some since I knew him in Iowa. When he moved to Texas he had matured and become a very handsome young man with a knockout smile and a terrific chest.
He had blue eyes and dark hair and was always one the "beautiful young guys" that all gay men wanted.
But, although a lot of thse types became very spoiled and thought they were "Gods gift to gaydom." Pat always kept his head on fairly straight.

In those days it was normal to have a lover and be faithful only to him. These eternal relationships usually lasted for 2 days to 2 weeks.
Pat dragged me to a party one weekend where I really came out as a gay man.
Strangely enough, I met 2 guys there. One is my friend Bo who is a couple of years older than me and is still one of my best friends today.
The other was Dan.

At that time Dan was very cute and I asked him out for a date. We played minature golf and had a dinner then ended up in my bed.
He basically ignored me in bed, which pissed me off! The main reason I continued to see him occasionally was because I was determind the make him love me so I could snub him in return!
We were lovers for a time and did split up( my idea). We also had a 3 way relationship with another young guy who actually lived with me in the suburbs, while Dan lived many mile away in Dallas.

When we did split up, we remained friends for many years while I set out to prove myself as a gay man.
I tired meeting guys in bars, I tried tricking in the parks, and I joined social groups to meet guys.
Although I did pick up "tricks" this way I found that all the time that I had spent trying not to be myself had made me unhappy with tricking.
I actually prefered to know someone for a little while befor I slept with them.
I had a cute young lover for a few years who I met out in the sticks where we lived. My main affairs were with young guys who I met through him.

In the meantime, Pat met Scott who he really loved and we all became one big happy family.
Pat & Scott still frequented the bars and had a more open relationship than I did. At one time they lived with me, but they eventually got their own place. Many nights I was disturbed by Pat coming in the front door and going to his old room crying because he and Scott had a disagreement.
I wolud go and comfort him then try to resume what I had been doing earlier.( Try explaing that to a lover)

Then disaster struck! Pat became sick and it was diagnosed as G R I D
(Gay Related Imune Disorder) what later became HIV/Aids.
He and Scott stayed together for a while but eventually broke up, mainly because Scott would not give up his party life and Pat wanted to live quiter life.

During this period , when there was no medication and no hope. Pat learned to depend on me more and more.
Pat would wake up in the middle of the night with night sweats. his bed would be soaked and he would be shaking and chilled.
I would get up and hold him untill he quit shaking and while he took another shower I would remake his bed.
When he was tucked in I would return to my bed. I put in a wireless intercom which worked through the electrical wiring. the unit was mounted on the wall beside his bed so he could call me. Then, one night he woke up shaking and hurting so bad that he could not reach the button for an extended period of time. So, I added a nurse call button like the hospitals used that was cliped to the sheets on the other side of his bed.

This was a period of pure hell for Pat, and also for me. It really broke my heart to see him so ill and be able to do nothing about it. I cried many times in private for him.
I went with him to a hospital in Houston where there was a research project trying to find a medication to treat HIV.
There a doctor told him that the swelling of his lymph glands did not seem like HIV and he should be checked for Hodgkins disease when he got home.
He was found to be have both HIV and Hodgkins. During the time that the Hodgkins went undiagnosed it had gone to the fourth of four stages.
He underwent chemo and of course I was there for that too. He did recover somewhat and was able to move out and resume his own life.
The doctors told him that he might expect 5 more years. He was 21 years old.

Pat worked hard at trying to get everthing he wanted in life while he could. He dated, got a good job, and eventually met another lover who he settled down with.
After about 5 years he became sick again. He was in and out of hospitals many more times and although he had a partner he still depended heavily on me for support.
One time when I went to see him in the hospital there was questionare there he had filled out for the nurses. In answer to the question of whom he looked to most for emotional support and advice he had answered with my name and not his partner.

One night I was visiting him alone in the hospital. He told me that he was worried about me. He said "You are not getting any younger and there is no future for you in the young guys you are sleeping with. You need to settle down with Dan because he loves you and is good for you. You need to quit partying and settle down."

Later,he needed to go to the bathroom and I helped him. As we returned to his bed he sat down and put his head on my chest and said, "I can't take any more."He was asking me if it was alright to die! And he was till worrying about me! He wanted me to be ok."

I held him and hugged him and tried to tell him that it was ok to do what he needed to do.
Now I wish that I had been trained then the way that I am now as a deacon. But, at that time I was still an atheist.
That was probably the hardest experience I have ever had, and I did not have a faith in God to lean on. I was also not able to give him the Christian reassurance he needed, since he was a Catholic who had left the Church in order to be himself.
Pat died the next day. he was barely 27 years old.

I have gone through a half box of tissues writing about Pat and I can truly say that the relationship I had with Pat was the biggest thing in my life in many ways. I will always love him and miss him. When I meet my Savoir sometime the next person I will want to see again is Pat.

What Makes A Church Work pt 1

2006-01-30T05:20:00.000-06:00

Yesterday was the annual congregational business meeting of my church. As senior deacon I had to give a report, naturally,and writing it made me think about the difference in some churches.
My previous church was ok most of the time , I suppose. The church I call home now, is a totally different experience.
So, what makes a church work? I thought I'd mention a few things. This may take more than one post to cover.
Our Pastoral staff is terrific, the sermons are generally very good, our music is better than average.
Overall, we really go out of our way to welcome new visitors, we ask everyone to register in an attendance book and send welcoming cards to all first timers.
In otherwords, we do all the right things to make people feel welcome.
But other churches do that too.
What makes this church different is that we pray withe the individuals more than most, and primarily, we always keep Christ first. We really make an effort ro encourage the Chrisitan growth of the individual. All members of our church are encouraged to find their own special "ministry" for Christ. Everyone is involved.
Keeping Christ first is the biggest difference in this church and all the others I have attended.
More later, I have to get ready for work.

Broke Back Mountain..my take

2006-01-25T05:43:00.000-06:00

Everyone else is talking about the movie Brokeback Mountain.
Dan took me to see it for my birthday a couple of weeks ago. I loved the movie.

Of all the votes on gay marriage, equal rights and other issues, this movie probably did the most good in advancing LGBT rights of anything in the last year.

Seeing Heath Ledger on the mainstream networks talking to Jay Leno about predjudice against gays in today's society was truly mind boggling
to me.

Heath Ledger"s performance was outstanding. I could see myself for the first 35 years of my life in him. The hurt and anguish as he tried to deny such a major part of himself. It did bring tears to my eyes, not just for Ennis Del Mar, Heath's character, but for myself and for all the
Gay men everywhere who have denied themselves happiness by refusing to accept who they are.

There is something wrong in a society that teaches that you cannot be who God made you to be.

That's the reason that I am so "out " in my own personal life. Its only by having the personal courage to live publicly and openly as who we really are that we can influence the hearts and minds of those we meet.
We owe it to ourselves and more importantly, to future generations, to work to change the attitudes of society. It must happen in order to bring about a world where no one will be denied a part of their being by predjudice and hatred.

Thats why I encourage all LGBT persons to COME OUT. Show the world that you are who you are and that it's ok. Most of the population are influenced by untruths they have heard all their lives about gays. We can only change the world by educating them. We have to show by our example that we are normal and we are ok.

Sometimes it will necessitate some discomfort by us today, some comments made behind our backs that we pretend that we didn't hear.Occasionally there may be open hostility from some ignorant people.

They can call me names behind my back or even to my face, but if I don't have the courage to stand up for myself and for the future generations, if I back down because someone else does not accept me as myself then I am failing myself and my people.

So yes, I loved the movie, I have great hope that its success will cause a flood of copy cat movies to hit the market, which frequently seems to happen.

The more that mainstream America sees that GLBT people have feelings and can experience deep love the better it is for America.

Thank you to Ang Lee, Larry McMurty, and the entire cast and crew for making this movie.

Deacon Harry

The story of ME

2006-01-19T19:54:00.000-06:00

My own story. 1st chapter. I am going to tell a little of my own journey in hopes that it might lead me and my readers to understand some things about me and about LGBT people in general.
I have frequently heard people ask "When did you decide to be gay?"
That is a dumb question. I was gay before I knew what it was.
I remember waking up one morning the while I was in kindergarden. I had a real pleseant feeling and a tiny erection! I was 5 years old. I had been dreaming about a classmate in school.
I remember that my mother came in to check on me because I lingered in bed for a prolonged period and continued to fantasize.
Now remember, this was probably in 1949. There was no TV, and there was no mass media to expose me to sex of any kind. So how did I suddenly become aware of my feelings at such an early age? Simple, I was born that way!
We were living in a small town in far northern Illinois, about 7 miles from the Wisconsin state line. People in that era and in that background were extremely mainstream midwest morality. Sex was never discussed, ans centainly not in front of the kids. But I woke up having a sexual fantasy about another 5 year old! I also seemed to instinctively know that I could not tell others about my feelings.

I actually started the first grade in Texas when my parents moved to Corpus Christi. I remember that every year I would spend the first day of school picking out the "hot"boys in my classes. All the way into the fifth grade when I had my first experience with a friend. it was just simple fondling, but was "hot "to me. I actually managed to experience three boys and a girl that year. In retrospect that sounds kind of perverted now.

In the seventh grade I became involved with a couple of classmates and learned about real sexual acts. We were not lead on by an older firend, but 2 of us had a real good time. We would visit each other 2 or 3 per afternoons per week after school and would go fishing or camping a lot on weekends. We were both smart young boys and we could always find new exciting things to do.

While a sophomore I made the mistake of doing a jock from my school. He enjoyed it (several times) then told others in the locker room and I was labeled a queer. I finally found out what I was called! I learned to be more carefull. I developed "gaydar " the sixth sense most glbt people have which let them recognize a kindred soul.

My biggest problem as I became older was that I did not want others to know and did not want to be who I was.
I decided that since I knew that I had a much higher IQ than most, and I did not want to be one of them , I would teach myself to be straight. I was smart, I was stubborn and I was determined to be normal.
I lived for over half of my life trying to be what I wasn't! Every guy I was with was going to be the last one. I dated girls frequently and each one was going to be the one who "changed me". As I became older I decided that if I was going to date a girl she had to be really hot, I know that a lot of my friends envied me my dates.

During this period in my life I almost became an alcoholic. I was saved by discovering drugs. I decided that I like getting high better than getting drunk.
Most of my friends descovered drugs at about the same time. We started smoking pot and when we found that the governments was lying about how it was a killer weed we decided that the other stories were all lies too.
One at a time we tried them all. When it got to be expensive we turned to dealing to support our fun.
There is not a drug that I can think of that I haven't used, smoked or whatever. Or sold!
I continued to try to be straight or failing that to at least keep up the facade. I did have a lot of guys, but thats what the drugs were for. One of the truths I discovered about life was that young horny "strait" guys would would ''bend a lot "if they were high and you led them properly.

Then due to a disapointment with a woman which broke my heart I took a job managing a motel in Iowa. I kept the Texas home empty for a couple of years while I worked a thousand miles away.

It was in Iowa that I met the person who changed my life.
I hired Pat as night clerk in the motel I managed. I had many people apply for a job and Pat stood out because my "gaydar "had told me that he was gay.

We spent a lot of nights together but the sex wasn't as important as the sharing of our souls. As a 16 1/2 year old drop out he was trying to decide if he should come out or try to be straight.
I was still dealing with my own identity problems but I told him that I would recomend being himself. I had never been truly happy trying to live a lie. Thats when he told me that I needed to make the change myself. I thought about and decided that he was right.
Eventually he moved back to his mothers house about 30 miles away, but we remained close.
Then I made the decision to move back home to Texas where I continued my old life as normal except that I told my friends I was gay, and I did nothing about it.
Pat and I would still talk on the phone a couple of times a week. When he finished school he called me asking what I was doing that wekend. I said nothing in particular so he asked if I would like some company. I said "sure" so than he changed and asked if I would like a roomate.
He moved to Texas to come out away from his mother. He wanted to build his own life.
Pats arrival change my life completely. He dragged me into gay life. I developed two seperate compartments in my life. My Out life in the bars
and so forth and my old drug oriented life. The people in each knew of the others existance, but I kept them apart.
Pat and I became extremely close and he was the son I never had.
But to keep from confusing any guys either of us brought home ( more him than me) He called me his Uncle Harry and he was called then, and is refered to today as my nephew.
Check back soon for the next chapter of our life together.

Thats all for now... more soon Deacon Harry

New ministry

2006-01-19T05:03:00.000-06:00

I have been extremely busy the last couple of weeks, haven't had the energy to blog much. Actually, there are a couple starts that I never posted, someday they may be posted.
It is the end of our period at work and also time for inventory. The bean counters have "streamlined"our company to the point that there is too much work and not enough people to do it. I have worked the last couple of saturdays in order to get caught up.
In the mean time I have taken over a ministry at Church. Once a month someone from our church has gone to a inpatient treatment facility nearby for a spirituality hour. Traditionally this has been the pastor, and maybe a couple of others, usually deacons.
I am now leading the visits, and since I am not the wonderfull source of knowledge that our pastor is I have been busy doing research and putting together handouts on the most common topics that people ask us about.
Now when someone asks if God loves them as they are, for instance, I have a handout which covers most of the scriptural passages that some people try to use to condem LGBT persons. I can hand them out and we can discuss them. I know I didn't miss an important point and the people we are there to see have a good refrence to keep and look over at a later time.
I have also found some good handout materials on transgenders, on recovering from the effects of physical , sexual and emotional abuse recieved while growing up, on recovering from alcohol and drug dependence and several other topics that are commonly brought up.
The last thing I want to do is to be unprepared to discuss or answer questions from the patients, but I feel overwhelmed and under qualified without the handouts.
I am still having problems finding really good materials on the abuse issues. If you know of any good resources please click on the comments tab and leave the the URLs. I am being forced to write my own materials on some topics and I need more information.
My first trip as the leader was this week and afterward the other Deacon who went with me said that he wished that our time hadn't run out so soon. He enjoyed it and we had a chance to share with several wonderful persons, and the patients wanted us to stay, too.
To me the personal highlight was when a trans lady came in halfway through the session and sat next to me. The first thing she asked was "Does your church welcome me too?" I was ready, because I have recently been called to learn about and minister to this segment of our community. I had handouts on the scriptual portions and some good personal comments due to a couple of truly wonderful members of our church.
I have had a lot of experience in the drug and alcohol abuse areas in my own past. I have been through, or been close to so many who have gone through, a lot of the problems that we ecounter there. God was preparing me!
Sometime soon I will start a series of entries about my personal journey. When I look back on my past it sounds like a novel.
I thank the Lord for my experiences, they have made who I am today.
He is amazing and I truly love serving Him and His children.
Deacon Harry

A New Years Announcement!

2005-12-31T20:36:00.000-06:00

I have made a couple of new changes recently, as well some new posts.
If you would like to be notified when I do a new posting enter your e-mail to the left and you will be automatically notified of new posts.

This blog was 1 month old yesterday in that time I have had 270 visitors, most in the first week when I e-mailed my friends and told them about it.
I have had hits from all around the world on every continent. I am amazed, I don't even know how to pronounce a few of the towns!

I seem to have strayed recently into main-line politics which is not my real purpose. I am going to try to keep my postings centered on Human Rights and Christianity. I hope you enjoy reading my posts and will tell your friends about my blog. If they forget the URL they can google me as gaydeacon(1 word) . At the bottom of each post is an icon to click on to leave me any comments.

I want to wish all of you a wonderful, joyful and Christ filled New Year
God Bless, Deacon Harry

Fundamentalist Threats to America

2005-12-28T19:17:00.000-06:00

The fundamentalists effect on the American way of life continues to grow.
Human and American rights are attacked on a daily basis.
Groups such as the American Family Association, & Focus on the Family, are attacking corporations who they feel are supporting human rights. They have boycotted, Ford, Heinz, Walt Disney, and many other companies for donating to human rights causes . They have been sucessful in a some cases, mostly not.

The defense dept is investigating "threats" from students at colleges across the nation who are merely exercising their constitutional rights to free speech. How can a" kiss- in "be a threat? The government is blackmailing colleges and universities by threating funding cuts to schools that choose not to let recruiters on campus.

The Senate is engaged in cutting Medicare benefits and raising deductibles and adding new premiums for coverage. Those hurt most by this are those on low and fixed incomes, such as the elderly and especially those living with HIV/AIDS. The bill passed with a 50/50 vote and was decided by Vice President Cheney.
The Center for disease control has set new guidelines requiring agencies who fund HIV/AIDS programs to collect new information including a complete sexual history and the names of all sexual partners.
This will eat the funds of the agencies because of the additional record keeping and will discourage many from using these service.
The congress is working to increasing funding to programs which teach abstinence and cutting funding for those who use more effective and realistic approaches.
The Ryan White CARE Act funding was continued at a too low level and not increased as is needed to provide care as costs raise.

Former President Jimmy Carter has written a book titled " Our Endangered Values" In it he says that our country has historically shown acommitmentt to preserving the separationn of church and state and the protection of basic American Values.

He says that the financial backing of the convservative politicians by wealthy minority religious groups is resulting the deterioration of a major basic American fundamental, the separation of church and state.

According to Carter this new group of "neoconservatives" and their influence constitute a major threat to the basic fundamentals of what made America great. Do yourself a favor and buy and read his book.

The "old man"side of me sometimes feels that these fundamentalists will find themselves out of power eventually when the more mainline voters wake up to what if happening to the America we all grew up loving.

However, another part of me is scared of what is happening to our country, our freedoms and our values.

One thing I do know, the fundamentalists are right we do face a major threat to our country!......................But, it is them......Deacon Harry

Dept of Defense Investigates a "dangerous" Kiss-In

2005-12-24T00:58:00.000-06:00

NBC News recently obtained 8 pages from a 400 page report on "threats"and "suspicious incidents"across America.

Among others, The Pentagon spied on New York University law school's LGBT group OUTlaw which they classified as possibly violent, along with a group at William Patterson College in New Jersey and The University at Albany, a part of the State University of New York system. The president of U of A described a demonstration on campus which was monitored by the Dept Of Defense. He said that there were a dozen students participating and 100 people observing. He went on to call the military presence on campus totally inapproriate.
The DOD also investigated a "cedible threat" of terrorism at a gay kiss-in at the University of California- Santa Cruz.
Makes you wonder doesn't it? Deacon Harry

A Quick note

2005-12-22T22:53:00.000-06:00

Even if you dont see a new post check out the left column. I am taeching myself HTML, so everytime you look you might see new looks

A Threat To Your Freedom

2005-12-21T21:04:00.000-06:00

I have had little time to write anything of substance lately, but I am working an something so big that I am trying to decide whether it belongs on this blog or if deserves its own special site. In fact lately I have thought about doing 2 blogs, one of politics and one of more of a Christian and philosophical nature . I think that for now I will stick with one, at least until I learn HTML editing better and learn to make my blog look and feel the way I would like.
But while I am working on the big post I will still continue to post things which catch my attention.
First, I want to mention that Bush has really infuriated me with his total disregard for peoples rights. What he wants in the way of powers sounds very dangerous and Un-American to me. I suppose that I could be considered to be worthy of privacy invasion because I disagree with him.
I have heard that some are calling for his impeachment because of the unconstitutional practices that he has already authorized. I agree completely.
Now the Center for Disease Controll (CDC) is attempting to implement a the new "Program Evaluation and Monitoring System, (PEMS)
Among other things these regulations require that local programs which recieve federal funding must provide the CDC with information including the sex lives and partners of every client.
The CommunityHIV/AIDS Mobilization Project (Champ) a national advocacy group says that this coul lead people to not deal truthfully with the agencies and perhaps decieve them I could mean that many people will not acess services from these agencies. It could lead the understaffed agencies to become interrorgators.
They also note that abstinence-only programs are barely monitored and are getting funding increases "despite no evidence that thay prevent HIV and much documentation that they do spread misinformation."
We the people most involved in the fight against HIV /AIDS need to speak out, in fact shout out, that these new guidelines need to be reversed befor they cause many more peple to loose their privacy and their lives.
I encourage you to write, call or e-mail you representatives, the president, and the press, about this threat. Deacon Harry

A short post.

2005-12-19T05:25:00.000-06:00

People in Boston are in a huff because a 48 ft decorated tree erected in a park there was recently mamed a "holiday tree". Several people have protested, including Jerry Falwell who commented to Fox News that "There has been a concerted effort to steal Christmas."
Sorry I don't have more to post. The last 2 days I have worked 10 hours per day and still been out late. At my age going to bed at 12:30 am and getting up at 5 am is for the birds.(The tired birds) I promise more tomorrow night. Deacon Harry

LGBT New Orleans Needs Your Help

2005-12-18T16:24:00.000-06:00

Here is a chance for you to give a needed Christmas present to all the LGBT community in New Orleans.

It seems that after Katrina hit so many persons were scattered throughout the country, that the Lesbian Gay Community Center of New Orleans in in danger of going under financially.
According to Randall Beach, co-chair of the center, they have had several meetings to try to figure out a way out of thier financial sutiation. It seems that the all volunteer center was supported almost entirely by local support from the community itself.
"We have never had a lot of corporate support and most of our heavy donors are sacttered around the country. Many we haven't been able to talk to. We don't even know where they went." "Also it's hard to ask people for money when they don't even have a house."
The center operates on $30 to 50 thousand dollars a year. According to Beach if 2500 people around the country each donated $20 the center would have enough money to survive for another year.
"Ät a time when there are a lot of people in our community needing help and desperately needing community, the center needs to be up and running and operating."he said,"but we can't keep the doors open without insurance and rent and utilities."

The center is home to the local Metropolitan Community Church, a PFLAG chapter, political organizations, a youth group the Gay Film Festival,and other community institutions. It also operates a resource library.

So, there you have it, an opportunity to help others for Christmas.
Donations may be mailed to LGCCNO, 2114 Decatur St., New Orkeans.La.70116.

For the complete article and more about New Orleans recovery efforts click on the Link for 365 Gay.com to the left and check out the article.
Deacon Harry

Closed for Christmas?

2005-12-17T05:23:00.000-06:00

There are a lot of churches who have said that they are taking Christmas Sunday off. Can you imagine?
I guess the logic is that they normally have church on Sunday, but since this Christmas is on Sunday they will be closed.
A church closed on Christmas? On Christ's birthday? What am I missing?
To steal a phrase isn't Christ "the reason for the season"?
see http://www.feminary.blogspot.com
For another take on it. She says everything I could say and says it well.

You can be sure that our church will be open for Christmas. We will have the usuall Christmas Eve candlelight service and a Sunday service( which will also be a Christmas Day service). Then after the Sunday service we will have a Christmas potluck dinner so that those who don't have a family or friends elsewhere to spend Christmas with can spend it with their Church Family.
With all the stuff we have been hearing from the fundamentalists about Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas how can a church being closed on Sunday be rationalized?
Deacon Harry

A Political Statement

2005-12-15T23:05:00.000-06:00

I'm sure some of you have noticed the counter for the actual financial expense of the war in Iraq. I'm sure that you must have concluded that I am against the war.
Although 911 was a dark day in American history I have always had a lot of misgivings about attacking Iraq. The bad intelligence (was it bad or was Bush being told what he wanted to hear), and all the patriotic hype not withstanding, my inner thoughts have always been that MY United States, the country I love and believe in does not declare unprovoked war on other countries. That is contrary to everything that I believe this country stands for. I don't know that I am a Michael Moore follower but there may be some truth in his theories.
The Patriot Act, although it was cloaked in being necessary to fight terrorism,was really an attack on our basic human rights as Americans.
The counter only shows the economic expense of the war, but how about the expense in human life?
The simple fact is that today after all this time and all these losses we are not 1 bit closer to capturing those behind 911.
I can't believe that Bush could ever condone cruel torture of prisoners. It is a violation of all human decency.
What has this man done to my country? I served in the Army, Dan served in the Army and the Marines. I would still defend the country I love to the death, but Bush is making it hard to recognize my country.
I am sure that some people would brand me as a traitor for voicing my opinion, but most of those same people would also say that I am a pervert and doomed to hell. They are wrong on both counts, and I don't care what they think. I also want to say that I do support our troops. I want them alive and home.It's only their commander in chief I don't support.
I will not likely live long enough to see the full story myself, but if you are alive in 2025, remember this simple blog and see if my prediction isn't true.
I believe that history will record that George W Bush was the worst president in the history of the U.S.. It will take years for our country to overcome the legacy that he and his fundamentalist followers are setting loose. Deacon Harry

p.s. sorry, but something earlier this evening made me want to vent. I am normally more concerned with GLBT rights. But, this my blog, and at least you know where I am coming from.

Today's thoughts

2005-12-15T16:06:00.000-06:00

I see the police here in the DFW area are looking into the possibility that the unsolved murders of 7 gay men in the last 5 years may be linked. The suggestion that it might be a direction for police to check was suggested by "The Dallas Voice" and Dallas Councilman Ed Oakley.

Ford has agreed to resume advertising and support for the GLBT community, so of course the AFA is considering a boycott of Ford.

America's first "legal"gay couple has split up after 5 years proving that gays and Baptists have more in common than they want to admit. It is my opinion that the biggest threat to the sancity of marriage is Baptists since studys have shown that they have the highest rate of divorce.
I know lots of GLBT couples who have been together for 20 - 30 years or more. In fact, Dan and I after only 15 years, are relative newlyweds.
Dan and I attended a couples workshop once and found that we knew and understood each other much better than most of the straight couples there.

GLBTS are under attack again, see this out of Florida:
Subject: Fwd: [eqfl] Baptists Launch Attack on Programs that Support Gay Students In a message dated 12/15/2005 10:20:21 A.M. Eastern Standard Time, http://us.f517.mail.yahoo.com/ym/Compose?To=nadine@eqfl.org&YY=59557&order=down&sort=date&pos=0&view=a&head=b writes:Press releaseNews Release FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE, (December 15, 2005)Contact: Brian Winfield, Communications Director, (727) 488-7799Hillsborough Students Under AttackFar Right Extremists Try to Bully Support Groups Out of Schools(TAMPA) A nationally coordinated attack on programs that support gay students arrived in Tampa Thursday night. A right wing church submitted petitions trying to bully the school board into shutting down student-led Gay-Straight Alliances (GSAs).In June of this year the Southern Baptist Convention passed a resolution instructing parents to go after any programs that provide support to gay youth or promote tolerance and diversity on campus. Following that directive, Bell Shoals Baptist Church delivered about 1,100 petitions in a child's wagon.Parents, students and community leaders have already begun rallying to the studentsÂ´ defense. Through phone calls, faxes and emails, thousands of supporters have contacted the school board and superintendent encouraging them to stand up for the students and follow the law.One of the key members of the anti-gay effort is Allan Trovillion. Many Floridians remember that Rep. Allan Trovillian, Sr drew national condemnation in 2001 when he told a group of gay students who described the bullying and violence they were experiencing in school that they were all going to hell and brought any violence or harassment they face on themselves.``You have to suffer the consequences of your actions,'' Trovillion told the high school students.``God destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah, and he is going to destroy you and a lot of others.''Rep. Trovillion was unaware that a reporter was traveling with the students and his comments were published and widely condemned. At the school board meeting leaders of the anti-gay effort softened their language. The rhetoric may have changed but the goal has not, said Nadine Smith Executive Director of Equality Florida."If they cared about the safety of students, they would have spent time listening to the students explain why they built these organization, not bullying the school board to shut down one of the only support networks these young people have," said Smith. "They may have found more pleasant language to use in front of the media since the Trovillion incident, but there message is the same: We don't care what happens to gay students in our school."Bell Shoals has a long history of anti-gay organizing in Hillsborough County including church leaders support for repealing Hillsborough's non-discrimination policy that including protecting gay people from being fired or denied housing or public accommodations. More recently the church tried to rally support for the County Commission's anti- gay policy that bans any county agency from recognizing or participating in anything that portrays gay people in a positive light.Equality Florida is FloridaÂ´s largest statewide human rights organization working on lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender issues. Through education and advocacy, the organization is dedicated to building a state of equal rights for all Floridians, inclusive of all sexual orientations and gender identities.
My take:
In Utah State Sen Chris Buttars, backed by the right wing Utah Eagle Forum, is sponsoring a bill to ban all Gay-Strait clubs all Utah high schools.
The rate of suicide is much higher in GLBT students than in other teens.
These clubs and organizations are badly needed to help to educate young people that they are not alone. They are normal and they are ok. They are not sick.
These kids need to know that there are millions of adults out there who lead normal healthy & happy lives . We as caring GLBT adults must never pass up a chance to help these youg people. That's why it is up to us to protest and fight these attempts at every opportunity. Deacon Harry

Move On .Org

2005-12-15T15:56:00.000-06:00

I received this today and think its worth supporting, but my meager contribution is not going to reach far, If you are reading this and know me I doubt that you would have enough to make a difference either, but If we both contribute and all their other members nationwide contribute maybe It can be done.

Dear MoveOn member,
Yesterday MoveOn volunteers delivered 400,000 petition signatures to 285 congressional offices urging Congress to insist on an exit strategy plan for Iraq. This morning good news arrived: an additional 30 Democrats in Congress have signed on as cosponsors of the Murtha exit strategy.1
President Bush is on a public relations campaign to block an exit plan. But today's Iraqi elections could be a turning point. The media will be talking about what's next. We've made a new ad that reminds reporters and the publicÂ?at this key momentÂ?that Iraqis want us out of Iraq. We can start running it on TV on Monday if we can raise $250,000 today.
Can you contribute before today's deadline?
https://political.moveon.org/donate/iraqideadline.html
(You can also check out the script and storyboard for the TV ad there.)
We want to run the ad in the districts of the most vulnerable Republican members of Congress, to make it clear that there will be real accountability for those who don't endorse an exit strategy.
We're under deadline today because the media discussion about post-election Iraq will only last until the middle of next week. Without the $250,000 we can't run the ad.
The ad has a simple message: Iraqis agree they don't want U.S. troops in Iraq. President Bush won't get us out, Congress has to act. As images of ordinary Iraqis appear on the screen, the narrator reads:
"A mother in Baghdad. A shopkeeper in Mosul. A family in Basra. They are Kurds. And Shiites. And Sunnis. Some are glad we came. Some aren't. They rarely agree on anything. But a recent poll shows that most Iraqis think our troops should leave their country. Now, their election is over, but George Bush doesn't have a timetable for an exit. So it's up to Congress to bring our troops home."
We've found that people who are ambivalent about leaving Iraq feel more confident it is the right path when they learn that a majority of Iraqis don't support U.S. troop presence:
According to a new ABC News poll, 65% of Iraqis oppose our presence in Iraq.2
An internal, classified British Defense Ministry poll found that 82% of Iraqis favor "near-term withdrawal" of U.S. forces.3
In Cairo, Shiite, Sunni, and Kurdish leaders met recently and called on the U.S. for an exit plan.4
This ad is important but we can't put it on TV unless we beat the fundraising goal. Please contribute before the deadline.
https://political.moveon.org/donate/iraqideadline.html
The petition delivery events yesterday were a huge success thanks to the hard work of several hundred MoveOn volunteers who braved freezing rain, snow and ice in some places. Reports are still coming in, but I've attached below the report-back our Organizing Director, Justin Ruben, sent to MoveOn staff at 1:08 AM.
Thanks for all you do.
Â?Tom, Carrie, Matt, Tanya and the MoveOn.org Political Action Team

Bush is still at it.

2005-12-13T23:21:00.000-06:00

Sorry, I couldn't get this link to let me copy only the link, but its worth the extra stuff. This administration is ridiculous . More tomorrow, i spent the whole day on church stuff and didn't get home untill 10:45pm Vacations are supposed to be restfull.
Take a look at this page I found, Gay News From 365Gay.com. You can see this page at: http://www.365gay.com/Newscon05/12/121405abstain.htm

Check this site out

2005-12-13T06:46:00.000-06:00

http://www.geocities.com/ninure/PCgreetings.html
This is a great page . check the other links out on this page to see more of her sites. more later today

New Stuff

2005-12-12T21:54:00.000-06:00

I just saw on TV that Texas leads the nation in executions with 23 thats more than the next 4 states put together. I don't know if it means anything or not, just an observation.
I saw an intresting quote"Of course the common people don't want war, but they can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. Tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and endangering the country. It works the same in every country."by guess who? Herman Goering, Hitler's Riechmarschall.
A neat bumper sticker "The Rightous were wrong in Jesus time too."
I also found the neat counter with the costs of the War In Iraq.

Something New.

2005-12-11T23:34:00.000-06:00

I have changed the look at Gay Deacon. Soon I will be adding many new features such as links to other important GLBT sites and hopefully a "thingy"to let you register (secure& private) and be notified whenever I post a new comment. Deacon Harry

Call for Action

2005-12-11T22:06:00.000-06:00

I have had a terrible week at work. 10 hrs a day working 2hrs a day commuting 4 hrs on the bad weather day meant that I did not get much time to write many posts. I have done a little work keeping up with news and politics.
I have a couple of things to bring to your attention.
Ford Motor Company has reportedly caved into a campaign by the American Family Assn, a right wing extremist group. Ford has agreed to stop all advertising in all LGBT publications and to stop sponsoring LBGT events. They are supposed to refer all questions and comments to the AFA. It would appear that Ford , who previously has been very supportive, has now aligned itself with a major foe of LBGT rights.
The GLAAD web site has the email address and mailing address of Ford to protest. On another site I found the e-mail of William Clay Ford Jr. The chairman & CEO of Ford. WFord@ford.com. It would be great if you would send him an e-mail letting him know what you think of Ford taking a position which is against your personal rights as a LBGT citizen.
see http://www.glaad.org for more details .(Gay Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation.) I will have more soon.

Sorry,

2005-12-06T22:03:00.000-06:00

Sorry, not much to write today, I had a terrible day at work and want to turn in early. I am working on the HTML editing skills enough to add a thingy(technical term) that lets you enter your e-mail address and be notified when I do a post. It might be close to a week before I get it on and working, but it should be real cool when I get it loaded. I am also looking at some other neat features.
Night, and God Bless, Deacon Harry

More on Prayer

2005-12-04T20:38:00.000-06:00

The talk of prayer in the previous post got me to thinking... When you talk to God does he answer you?
I used to have a pastor at a previous church who commented one day that God told him to do something.
Several of us commented between ourselves, privately, sure he did. God has never spoken to me!
I'll let you in on a special secret, If you want to have a really close relationship with God, if you want to have your prayers answered, if you want Him to answer you, ask God for what He wants you to ask for.
You must tell God that you want to dedicate your life to HIM.

Seriously, when you are in a quiet place with a few minutes , talk to Him, say "Lord I dedicate myself to you. I offer myself as a living tool for you to use according to your plan. I give control of my life to You. I desire nothing more than to live my life as your servant doing Your bidding and serving You and your children.".This is when I usually add "Lord there are so many of your children in our community who have been told that You do not love them because of who they are. It is my heartfelt desire that you use me as a means to reach out to them and tell them the truth of Your great love for them and Your plan for their salvation". You may have a special dream of your own that you might ask him to use you for.
I promise you that if you pray this or a similar prayer, He will listen and He will answer you, maybe not the first night, but he will answer. God did not create you just so you could live a joyous life and indulge yourself in personal pleasures. He created you to serve Him.

His answer may come in the form of new opportunities to spread his word, or in a chance to help the poor or needy or to work to improve the world for your fellow man.
You never know how God will speak to you or how He will answer your prayers. You may think He's not answering, but He may really be saying, not yet, my child, or I have a better plan.

I know Christians who regularly feel his gentle nudge urging them to do something for His glory. One friend of mine says that she frequently tries to "test"these urges to see if it is truly Him or just her own ego.
I have never had that worry. If He really wants me to do something, he will put me in a situation where I will have no doubt. She worries that if something doesn't work the way she expects it to that maybe it was her thought, not his.
At a Bible study a couple of years ago one member said that he would never stand on a street corner with a bullhorn telling people about The Lord. He said that he could not stand to have so many people looking at him and saying, "what an idiot."
I don't feel that way. If I feel that my Lord wants me to do something, I will do it. Even if it doesn't work out the way I would like, I could still be serving His plan. Maybe 300 people may ignore me, but one may listen and be saved, even though I may never know it. Its His plan and I don't feel qualified to judge It's success.

I have experienced some times in my own life where has spoken to me and I had no doubt that it was Him. These special callings have always happened to me in the middle of the night. Sometimes I will awaken from a sound sleep with a feeling that what I experienced was much more than a dream. A couple of times he has awakened me to tell me something.
I said something to Dan about this one time and said, "I wonder why he always does it while I am asleep?" Dan replied," it was probably the only time he could get you to shut up and listen."
Dan is right, After you ask God to lead you, you must have regular quiet times to be near Him so that he will answer. You must be willing to listen..

I have heard many more learned teachers than I say that God knows everything that will happen in your entire life before you are even conceived.
I have always felt that God has a desire for you to do his will and he gives you opportunities to follow him, but if you don't ,God is patient. He will give you repeated chances to follow him, and when you do He rejoices!
Nothing makes your Lord happier than to see you take up your Cross and follow him. But I believe that God gives you free will.
I could go forever once I get wound talking about a life in service to Him, but I'll save some for another post. I will leave you with one more thing. You will never beat the true joy that you will experience when you develop a deep two way relationship with your Lord.
May God Bless you, Deacon Harry

Doing Church?

2005-12-04T20:06:00.000-06:00

I Heard an interesting comment the other day.
A lady was speaking to someone else and said"We do the Church Thing every Sunday". My thought was and...?.....?
Being a Christian is not just going to Church on Sunday then turning it off for another week. It's a way of life.
If you dedicate your life to God as a Christian then it involves everything that happens to you. That's why many refer to being born again.
If you are cut off in traffic do you blow your horn and make an obscene gesture? Or,do just shake your head and say oh well, I guess they were in a big hurry.
If you see a dirty ragged man on a street corner do you turn your head the other way and continue on or do give him a couple of dollars and say "God Loves You".
If a fellow employee comes to you angry with something you did how do you act? Do you cut them off briskly, or do you try nicely to see it from their viewpoint?
If you are going to live as a Christian , how often do you pray? Prayer is more than saying grace before meals, or giving thanks at church, or even kneeling before you go to bed at night.
Prayer is talking to God and you can do it all the time. If you listen to praise and worship music in you car as you drive to work, that's prayer. Especially if you sing along. ( And God doesn't even care if you can carry a tune.) When something good happens," say thank you Lord." If you see a pretty sunset, thank Him for the gift of beauty.
I pray so often that I am sometimes surprised when I hear myself . It's just part of being a Christian. Try it, remember that prayer is an all the time thing. Just like being a Christian. Deacon Harry

2005-12-03T19:01:00.000-06:00

Happy Holidays or Merry Christmas?
I have seen several things in last few days about Target saying "Holiday" rather than Christmas" in their ads. ( a lot of merchants are doing this in the current age of being politically correct) A dear friend and one of my former pastors recently forwarded an e-mail to me.
It originated with the American Family Association. A fundamentalist group which says that Gays can be "cured" and many other things that are pure Hog-Wash.(More about the AFA and others in a later post.)Be sure to check out the part of their site labeled the Homosexual Agenda.
http://www.afa.net
I couldn"t help myself, I had to reply.
I told him who the AFA is and about their stand on human rights and other things and I told him that their position was most likely to encourage me to run to Target and buy something .
I did point out however that on the way in to the store I would not put anything into the Salvation Army Santa's Kettle.
It seems that after Katrina I read that the Salvation Army was taking a stance that gay couples, even with kids, were not a family and they would not support giving them aid. This was even to the point that several groups collecting from GLBT individuals to aid victims were not funneling any funds to them. The groups preferred to give to the American Red Cross because they did not care about the gender or sexual preference of those they help. Thank you American Red Cross! That will always be my position on giving aid.
As a Christian I try to give generously to help others in need, but I am very selective of the way in which my money is being distributed.
Tomorrow is Sunday...Dont forget Church! God Bless ...Deacon Harry

2005-12-02T14:50:00.000-06:00

A quickie for now. Maybe more later... just a couple of quick observations..Google is taking over the internet and is starting in on TV.
They are preparing to market their own version of the dvr for satellite use. They will be pushing on demand programming. CBS and NBC are said to looking into it too. But Googles big idea is that based on you past viewing they will taylor the advertising to fit the viewer. Very Smart.

Also, while on vacation this week I have spent a lot of time on the net, exploring. A link from from someplace, I think maybe it was move on .org sent me to a site where Retired General William E Odom has some very good and very pointed views about George W's policy concerning the war. Check out :http://www.emailthis.clickability.com/et/emailThis?clickMap=viewThis&etMailToID=1927108556
Its a weird looking link, but it works.
See what you think. More later ..Deacon Harry

2005-12-01T12:07:00.000-06:00

World Aids Day.....
Today is World AIDS Day. The numbers are staggering. More than 40 Million people worldwide have AIDS! AIDS has killed more than 25 million people since it was first recognized in 1981. 3.9 million people died from AIDS last year alone and another 4.9 million became infected.
(figures are from a recent U.N. report)
In the US the number of new cases reported every year has remained more or less stable from 2001 to 2003. However, the number began to rise again since 2003.
Every hour 2 more young Americans are infected with AIDS!
The Human Rights Campaign issued a report card on our governments efforts this year. See http://www.hrc.org for the details.
The main point is that our government rated an "F"in 2 of 4 categories, prevention and care & treatment. They only managed a D in research and a C in Global AIDS. The HRC has a online link to allow you to email your elected officials and let them know that this is not acceptable. Please use it.
On a personal level:
I have had far too many friends who have died from this disease.
I have also been involved as a caregiver and/or advisor to several persons.
My nephew Pat moved here from Iowa at age 17 so that he could come out and live life as the man he was. This was in the early 1980s. He and I became very close and it was extremely hard to take when he became infected with "GRID" (Gay Related Immune Disorder ) as it first was known. There was almost no knowledge and there were no treatments for it. All the doctors could do was to treat the symptoms by trying to keep the fevers down, etc.
I used to get up at night and hold him as he shook with"night sweats. "
Then I would change his sheets and he would go back to bed. I never felt so helpless in my life. Someone I loved deeply was so ill and I couldn't do anything! I had a nurse-call button clipped to his sheets and an intercom mounted to the wall by his bed so he could call me when he needed me. When AZT was released we were so happy that at last there was something he could take. However the first meds were all so toxic that they caused their own problems. He had to use suppositories to fight the nausea had to keep a pan beside his bed all the times. It was a horrible experience to watch him slowly die. His death was the hardest I had ever faced. My parents had lived their lives and it was much easier to take. Pat, was so young,and I loved him so much. I would ask myself frequently "Why him? Why can't it be me?"
Pats ex, Scott, had become my best friend. Of course he was also infected, although he lived with his family and not with me, I was very involved in his illness. I was the one he talked to and asked advice of. Over a several year period I watch him get slowly worse. The HIV meds always had bad side effects on him and he was always miserable.Finally he became infected with CMV and lost the vision first in one eye then another. He entered a hospice program where they kept him comfortable but made no efforts to prolong his life. I was the only pallbearer at his funeral who was not a family member.
About this time Dan( my partner) became infected. When he was first diagnosed in 1990 he already had an opportunistic infection, Cryptoccal Meningitis. He was deathly ill and I had to run IV's for him every night at home. He has been hospitalized several times and I have seen his weight drop as low as 110 lbs. Now he weighs about 160 and looks good because of medical breakthroughs in the past. The biggest difference between Scott and Dan was that Dan was never bothered by drug side effects. He always took his meds in the proper amounts at the proper time. He never missed. Also, the FDA approved trials of Protease Inhibitors in 1995 and I was able to get him on a trial while he was in the nursing home.
He did have a reaction to DDI and developed pancriatitis. His pancrease
went wild and damaged his lungs. He was in the hospital for 2 weeks that time, 10 days in ICU. He had previously had all his legal affairs taken care of and had given me his power of attorney for health care. When he was in icu I went against all the things we had discussed and put him on life support. He was on life support for 7 days while his lungs healed and he was able to recover. His family in Pennsylvania did not want anything to do with him, so I spent 7 days at the icu with him, going home only to sleep.
It was a hard period, but we got through it. I told in a previous post about his experiences in a nursing home and in the AIDS Rides. I am very proud of him for what he has endured and what he still does today.
So , for World AIDS Day I am pausing to remember Pat, Scott & Dan's close friend and nursing home roomate, James. They are especially in my heart today as I pray for them and all the others who have passed on before us. Deacon Harry

2005-11-30T21:38:00.000-06:00

Odds & Ends....
No big subject this time, just a few observations and neat things.
I noticed that The Vatican Christmas Concert has dropped a scheduled performer. Daniel Mercury, a Brazilian singer, was dropped because she took part in a Brazilian Government sponsored campaign to attempt to fight rampant S.T.D's in Brazil by advocating the use of condoms. Apparently people dying is preferable to preventing a possible birth. Way to Go Pope. Makes sense?

Patrick Guerro, national president of the Log Cabin Republicans recently said that we have reached a critical point in gay rights and asked that all gay conservatives come out of the closet. He states that if the gays serving everywhere in Washington and elsewhere all came out at once the journey to full rights would be over in would"be over in a few years instead of decades."Who would have thought that I would agree with a Log Cabin Republican on anything? See http://www.365gay.com opinion page for the full article and other gay news coverage elsewhere on the site.

Check out Google Earth for a neat new site. You can put in an address and it will zoom you across the globe to an aerial view. I saw my house from the air, also my church. http://www.googlearth.com

Also check out http://www.hrc.org The Human Rights Campaign a group that deserves your support as they work for equality for all.
And I really like http://www.moveon.org I find that they tend to be as liberal as I am on political issues.

One more site to check out http://www.hetracil.com A new drug to make you butch & strait acting. (its a joke)
that's all for now. if you like my blog please tell your friends about it. Keep coming back I promise that I will post enough stuff to keep you arguing either for me or against me. It doesn't matter ..As long as it makes you think. Deacon Harry

2005-11-29T23:28:00.000-06:00

Deacon Harry

2005-11-29T17:49:00.000-06:00

My hero's ....
At this stage in my life one might think that I would have outgrown having heros.This may be true in some ways,but there are still some heros in my life.
These are really people that I admire because of what they have accomplished in life. They have done things that show them to be of special character because they have beaten tremendous odds and they have made the world a better place in which to live. I am fortunate because I know two of my three heros personally.
The first hero I would like to mention is the only one I don't know personally. But, Lance Armstrong is a hero to me because I know from caring for other persons who were as sick him, what a tremendous effort it took for him to come back, His victories in the Tour De France were tremendous indeed. As a road cyclist of sorts I know how much work and suffering it takes to ride at the level of any pro tour cyclist. I have a quote from Lance on my desk at work."When I am suffering with pain (insert your own thing you are suffering from ) I know that eventually it will end and the pain will go away. But if I quit it will last forever." A good thought. His victories are really fantastic. But his biggest feat is his dedication to fighting cancer. He is truly making the world a better place because of his life.
The second person who qualifies as a hero to me is Rev Elder Troy Perry, founder of Metropolitan Community Churches. Rev Troy was thrown out of the churches in which he grew up and had become clergy.
He never lost his faith in God, but he lost his faith his church.
He decided, at God's urging, to start his own church where all would be welcome.
So on October 6, 1968 12 people met in Troy's living room for the first service of The Metropolitan Community Church. Today there are about 300 Churches in 43 countries world wide! Each Church is different in many ways, but one thing they all have in common is that they welcome all people to worship there regardless of their sexual or gender orientation.
But if that's not enough of a legacy, Troy did more. He was in the fore-front of the Gay Civil Rights movement. He marched in the front of the first rights/pride parades in the country. He led hunger strikes, he spoke at rallies, without his leadership all GLBTQ people today would still have to hide in the closet.
I have heard Troy preach several times and gotten to discuss things with him twice, and he is amazing! Although he is retiring as Moderator of MCC, I saw him about a month ago at a retreat and got to thank him personally for all he has done.
My third hero is someone I see daily. My roommate Dan was diagnosed with HIV/AIDS in 1991. As with most who became ill in that period his condition slowly worsened and in July, 1996 I had to put him in a nursing home. The doctors had told me that it was unlikely that he would ever see Christmas.
I managed to get him put on clinical trials for a class of drugs called protease inhibitors. In January, against the advice of his doctor I brought him home. He has had some brain damage from the virus and his attention span is kind of short but he was much to healthy to be kept in a home.
Four years later he heard of the Tanqueray's Texas AIDS Ride and decided that he wanted to ride in it. He had never ridden more than 20 miles at a time in his life, but he trained for 7 months throughout the Texas summer with 100+ degree days.
He had never been one to push himself really hard before, but this became his personal war with AIDS. I would come home from work in the afternoon and find him collapsed exhausted in bed from riding 80 miles or more in the heat.
The first weekend of October he rode from the Astrodome in Houston to the Kennedy memorial in downtown Dallas, 350 miles in 4 days on a mountain bike! I still get tears in my eyes when I look at the picture of him at the closing ceremonies holding his bike over his head in triumph.
He still doesn't work, but he does do volunteer work for HIV/Aids organizations in the Dallas area. Riding the bus everywhere for transportation since he is unable to drive. And everywhere he goes, he tries to spread good cheer and God's love to those he meets. So Dan is my third hero.
Heros come in all types. My heros are all people who have gone the extra mile in their lives to make the world a better place for others.

2005-11-29T12:48:00.000-06:00

My First Post
Why would I decide to create my own blog? Because I have something to say.
I recently created a stir when I forwarded an editorial to several members of our church about the hurricane refugees from New Orleans .
It seems that Barbara Bush had visited the shelter in the Astrodome and upon leaving she had commented that "Most of them were poor so they would come out of this ok."I guess she believed that the money they would receive from the government would make up for everything they had lost.
The editorial went on to suggest that perhaps Barbara would care to change places with a transgender lady from New Orleans who was arrested at a shelter at Texas A&M for using the women's shower. She was held in jail for 6 days because she had no one post her bail.
My thought about the whole thing was that Barbara Bush had proven herself to be a person who was truly disconnected from what was happening to others around her. She had shown herself to consider the poor to be less worthy than herself.
When I had first read of the Trans at Texas A&M I was moved to the point of near tears because two trans members of our church are in my shepherding flock and I have gotten to know them both very well.
What if it had been one of them in jail for 6 days form taking a shower!
Another member of the church pointed out to me that "After all, it was at A&M "so that should explain it and make it ok.
He missed the point entirely! As responsible, caring Christians it is our duty to speak out. If no one points out the need for change in society and stands up for what's right then change will never happen.
It was also pointed out that my e-mails, sent from me to a few friends within our church might cause them to take away our church 501c3 tax exempt status. It might bring down the wrath of the current administration on us.
Come off it! This was not even a church related e-mail!
Besides, I spent 35 years of my life trying to deny who I am. Trying not to be the way that God made me! I am way beyond the closet and I refuse to go back in.
So, I am creating this Blog. I hope some people will read it and that it might start a few minds to thinking... Deacon Harry